And when I look at him, I just want him to say "I love you" in between deep thrusts and hard grunts.
I just beer bonged a sparks. You better get your ass over here because no one is on my level yet
He just made his dick say "woof" and howl at me. can you pick me up?
The google font looked peculiar last night, but then up close I realized it was just dry vomit.
I found my underwear on the sidewalk 8 blocks from her house while on my walk of shame. I also found our beer bag and a full beer in the bush.
It is a special kind of bonus when you find money you hid from yourself when you were drunk in the tampon box. What did we do last period?
I've decided I want to blow you wearing a santa hat.
Aren't rabbit ears more seasonally appropriate?
We need to go back to the barter system so I can sell my body and just be done with it.
do you remember in the middle of fleeing from the cops you stopped in the middle of the road to make out with quail man?
We should go, because after those margaritas time is running out on my sobriety clock.
We knew we were dealing with a pro when some random guy at the bar thew you over his shoulder and you still didn't spill your drink
Strangely enough, that's not the first time that's happened
There is a video recording of my birth. I have seen it. It is terrifying.
Amnesty Wednesday? I'm free to do dirty things to you and you can't laugh or judge?
My vagina measures dicks. It's accurate to the half inch.
Met the hot new neighbor. She's into country music and giving really good bjs. Latter made up for the former.
Randomize
