I feel I need to conquer him. He's six ft eight and 265lbs. Its like the mount Everest of sex.
i drank out of a bidet.
its likemy ribs anf my hesrt aew cuddlingn
I just found a casserole dish in my oven filled with broken glass, blood, and chopsticks. And the REALLY fucked up thing is that finding it answered more questions than it raised.
Remember when we used to share painkillers at parties? Now we're dealing in blood pressure pills. Oh, how the mighty have fallen.
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
Holy hangover, going dancing with family good idea, taking the last shot with the transvestite bar owner not so much...
I need to stop getting picked up at 3 am by my friends parents. This is the second time this week. I'm a grown man.
I'm gonna snort this pill I found on the ground cause that's how classy I am. Watch football and eat Beef jerky. Domesticated at its finest.
Started crying to "that's the way it is" by celine. What the fuck uterus?!
Guy pissing in the corner in downtown Boston as his girlfriend is covering him up, yelling "relationship goals"
We were drunk waiting for tacos and I gave him a handy in the back of the Uber while giving the driver relationship advice. I think I'm handling the whole grad school thing alright.
My sister just poured me a dbl Ciroc on the rocks and said "the ice makes it festive." Honestly what a role model.
She dated an Australian guy or some dude with an accent. Normal guys don't stand a chance.
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED.
Remembering you have vodka in the freezer gives the same surge of happiness as finding 20 bucks in a coat pocket.
Randomize
