Have you ever seen a 300 pound pregnant lady's boob fall out of her shirt cuz she's not wearing a bra? I have.
have you seen my purse? i cant find it and my ipod is in there and that shit totally cost more than my abortion.
I just saw that your im name has '4eva' in it. Your man card has been revoked.
There's a man in a pair of gray footie pajamas and a paper crown watching the kids at the playground. It was easier to tell who was a pedophile before Where the Wild Things Are came out.
Im not coming back to that place until im drunk. If I walk in there sober Ill start screaming uncontrollably. Not words, just sounds.
In other news, I apparently ate my retainers while rolling last night.
At my eighteen year old cousin's wedding. Getting hit on by a 9 year old. No one knows who he came with. I'm pretty sure he just showed up from the field behind the church. Help.
There's someone howling in the parking lot. Haha.
Drank your wedding present. Sorry
If you could get me there thatd be perfect. I doubt there's extradition on the moon.
My niece I'm babysitting left earlier to stay the night with her friend. I got ditched by an 8 year old.
I opened the door, threw up on the street, wiped my mouth and flashed a thumbs up to all of the cars behind us and kept on driving
I’m pregaming Christmas shopping with grandma. What’s up?
Right before he dumped me... he got a really ugly pair of pants. They were twill pants. A pinkish color. When I'm sad... I picture him in them. It makes me smile.
Her mom Is so hot that when she was bending over i just zoned out starin at her ass her dad slapped me on the back an said let me tell you son everything you see here is mine and you had better realize i felt like simba
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