my mom is pro-life. I dare you to fuck me.
I feel like someone was just looking at my memory and took out an eraser and was like "nope he doesnt need that"
Peter invited his little brother to smoke with us and he is trying so hard to pretend he's done it before. When he saw the weed he was like "hell yeah!" and everyone got completely silent and just looked at him
He keeps whispering to me that he can't wait to tie my hands up with my wig?
I hope you remember pushing the girl off the stage because you said she wasn't good at pole dancing.
Used a cardboard box as a pillow and a towel as a blanket. Its like the great depression over here
I swear they were about to hook up!!
I know because I was in the tub taking an imaginary silent bath. They stopped cuz I gagged on my shot.
if I was any more soft right now, my penis would be a liquid
I'm your Election Erection Connection
I retroactively revoke all sex we've ever had.
Just specific performance'd my way into her pants. I literally said specific performance and that shit worked. Thanks B. Law!
She's been drunk for three days now
Like three straight days. 72 hours
She's been covered in glitter for the last two and somehow she found a monkey
Pretty sure when I woke up the next morning we were still fucking. It just didn't stop.
I don't even have his number. I have his pants tho
Um I got a ride home from the bar with two random boys and one tried to bang me on my parents riding mower
Intoxication Level: I'm as graceful and flawless as a fucking dinosaur.
Randomize
