my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
Party priorities: alcohol > girls > music > cups > decorations
11am puke and rally. THIS is what I'm gonna miss about college.
Im sweating champagne and woke up in nothing but a tuxedo jacket. What didnt go wrong last night?
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
We're gonna go drive around campus and throw water balloons at all the drunk bitches wobbling around, wanna come?
You know I'm dangerous when I have make-out withdrawals
I heard them banging and it sounded like he was trying to stuff a fucking coconut into her
Awkward drunk fist bump with the boss. Not sure if tomorrow will be weird or wonderful.
Some rando guy literally just put my shoes on and tied them for me because I'm drunk... Is this what it feels like to be a princess?
Pretty sure the guy at the Halloween party dressed as an ice cream man is working his way through the building without a care for gender or age. He high-fives me on his way out each morning.
Welcome to my Tuesday when my lesbian ex girlfriend shows up unexpectedly and gets me drunk and then leaves
Did that sound smart? Cuz beneath the boozy exterior beats the heart of a fucking scientist.
Shit happens dude.
Shit doesn't just HAPPEN on the kitchen floor you asshole.
Cmon. I wasn't that bad.
You stumbled ass first into the litter box, and everytime we tried to get you to move you said " if I fits. I sits."
Randomize
