I was just curling my hair topless and I just burned my nipple. Ouch.
The only ground rules are no one is allowed to come who will say "no, that's a bad idea" or "what if we get arrested?"
Omg I'm so stupid. All the peoples fb status that said "spain" I thought they were all going to spain.......
I may do that, fyi I'm even more sore than I was yesterday. It's like the ghost of your dick is still inside me.
Our kitchen sink faucet is leaking, so I set a pitcher under it to catch water for Kool-Aid tomorrow rather than turn on the faucet. The environment owes me.
We were gonna play Truth or Dare but like 10 minutes in we decided to get naked and play Dare or Get the fuck out.
I know she was blacked out, but she looked directly at the toilet and said "we meet again"
Year anniversary in a month. Think I'll just give him a COME ON MY FACE FREE card. I'm both broke and shameless.
my post shower fart this morning sounded like hulk ripping through a phonebook
You are number one in my heart. But in the dick Olympics you're disqualified.
Mom called last night while I was at the bar and asked where I was. I told her I was on the highway to the danger zone while the guys were humming the top gun theme.
My snow day: told Cam, "we're not dating today, we're just roommates." No bra, boxers, drinking whiskey by myself for the past 2 hours, yelling at The Ultimate Fighter reruns from 3 years ago.
IM NOT TALKING TO YOU UNTIL YOU MAKE A PROCLAMATION YOU LOVE ME MORE THAN TACOS
I cannot, in good conscience, let you talk to a guy who wears Chaps and a knit beanie
That moment when you’re at the doctor to give a sperm sample you’re only getting 3G so the porn is buffering
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