I think there's some kind of asian convention downtown. There are thousands and they're all wearing badges and snapping pictures. I feel like I just stepped into your worst nightmare.
You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
He brought over a 20 dollar bottle of wine. Who does that? This is college.
I can only imagine the horrible things my future wife is doing on spring break right now.
i want the original willy wonka imagination song to come on when i take a girl to my room
I found her under my bed eating airplane pretzels.
We pulled over so he could pee and the next thing I know he's running down the hill by himself with his pants down
Shame tastes like burnetts and latex
you put your hands over the taxi driver's eyes and shouted GUESS THE WAY TO THE CLUB
So I got lost trying to find you guys and ended up proposing to a bride in a bachelorette party with a condom.
Today has been like a snow day for your boobs. No rules, just doing whatever they want.
.... I'm on a random couch somewhere in Newark wrapped in a Lightning McQueen blanket
I crawled to the bathroom this morning there were cornpops scattered on the floor? What was I doing last night?
He was so wasted he lit his sink on fire with shit he found in his room....it was smokeless. Chemistry majors drunk = the coolest shit ever.
Our faces when the strip club was closed looked like the grinch just stole Christmas ☹️
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