bitch asked me if i cared if she kept her snuggie on while we had sex
i ate 2 chicken nuggets and puked out 5. that doesn't even make mathematical sense
You covered in salsa con queso would take care of all of my cravings right now
No. Do you know how much this carpet cost? If she comes over, you put down towels this time. i'm so not kidding.
okay. this is james and youre probably never ever gonna see me again unless i really really really want some pussy. sorry.
He tried to finger me at Disneyland! He tried to taint the happiest place on earth!
Please delete that video of me blowing you. I will repay you with 100 blowjobs even better than the one I gave you during that video. Please. I am gonna be a grandma one day.
He asked me if the reason I slept around is because I grew up in a broken home. I am so done fucking Christians.
LinkedIn just suggested I might know the guy I caught my wife fucking.
This morning confirmed it...there's no maybe about it. She definitely wasn't born with it. It was definitely the Maybelline.
He's giving me the absolute bare minimum amount of attention. Like whatever motherfucker, I've had like six super likes on tinder today
These last few days with George, grandma, and now Carrie all dying have been pushing me further and further into rum's sweet embrace.
Be careful, there is sex in the air.
It's slightly odd going to a booty call during morning rush hour with everyone else going to work.
Last night was fun. Sorry I slipped out before you woke up
Also, your parents get up REALLY early. Please thank them for the bagel and travel mug of coffee. Happy Thanksgiving!
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