And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
So i decided to deal with the awkwardness of last night by making out with all three of them
Christmas on farmville was waaaaay better than my actual Christmas.
I feel like a blind man at a water park. Every step has the potential to be either fatal or lead to accidental, but totally enjoyable, sex.
Found trail of ibuprofen on ground. I'm like the intervention version of e.t.
I am in his childhood bedroom and I feel like his trophies are applauding me and his stuffed bunny is disgusted with me. Did you know he was a mathlete?
I'm gonna eat you out with that hat on so it looks like beaker's doing it. And I'm gonna go "memememememe"
My roommate was tripping balls last night, he kept me up all fucking night
Roommate? Please tell me you're not calling your cat your roommate
I tried to steal a Mike's Hard sign last night but it didn't work out
why what happened?
Well it was going fine.. until the bouncer noticed the three foot steel lemon sticking out of my jacket.
So apparently there is enough alcohol to get me to agree to going to a strip club, but when I have enough they don't let me in.
Obviously last night's theme was "Let's Make Bad Life Choices"
He sent me a flaccid dick pic from the bathroom at the bar and he said I'm sorry it's not all hard and good looking. Props to him - I did ask for a pic.
i told you i was taking the Metra Train, and you asked what type of drug that was.. so yes i believe you when you say you were fucked up
i just swapped my iPhone for a happy meal. this is greg btw, the hooker let me borrow her phone
You planned on giving him head in the shower?
More like I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
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