He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.
So Jesus turned water into wine. So what? I once turned a whole student loan into natty light. Your move holy man.
i knew he was a douchebag when his facebook activities were "ladeis," and "gettin crunk wit ladeis"
our new exchange student wants to hear all about America's greatest politician, "Oprah." it's gonna be a long fucking day
He posted on my wall. Idk if I'm ready for that big of a commitment.
a small fire erupted but we put it out with a can of beer so everything's fine
At least my fat-chick-ratio has not been that bad this semester ...
You better of fucked him last night or do it now because he is buying all the roommates McDonald's.
The investigator asked if we were sharing a pitcher of margaritas. I corrected him and explained that we each had our own.
Haha he's lucky I don't kick him back into the land of the majestic handjobs
Shame?!? Shame only comes from getting naked in front of strangers and it not being awesome
Dude where are you? I've been here an hour and all I've done is get head from a random in the stairwell.
well he somehow got his hand stuck in some bike spokes trying to reach for a blunt he dropped and that's NOT the reason he's in the hospital...?
And the next thing I knew I was blowing this random hot italian bartender with an uncircumcised penis in his work closet
I wish people could trade lives with me for a day so they could see how much better my life is compared to theirs
Randomize
