i feel so shallow. people in iran are using twitter to write hardcore nathan hale shit about dying for freedom. my last tweet was "i hate the taco shits"
I hate when people uglier than me have girlfriends
Their bromance is so intense that they don't even eye-fuck when they see each other....they eye-make-love.
how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
I give you full permission to fuck a rando on my air mattress.
I was late because I helped this old romanian lady mow her lawn at 2AM.
You have not lived until you have drunkenly grinded on your mother. Daughter of the year right here.
my last clear memory of the night was being offered a shot but having so much alcohol in my hands that someone literally had to pour it in my mouth for me. after that it pretty much skips to waking up face down and shirtless on my floor.
Sorry for all the texts. I got wasted and woke up at the foot of a staircase. From what I can gather, I fell down it.
Oh god now he thinks I'm into him because I've been staring at him trying to figure out what animal he looked like
I still don't know his name but his ass is spectacular. Like he should never wear pants.
The chances of me making out with someone next weekend are about the same as me not remembering it.
I hate how she's getting mean with age
Meh, you can't hate. That's our basic life goal and you know it.
Then James put his arms through the window and grabbed him, like he was Robocop. A nerdy, portly Robocop.
Who is this?
I like your optimism Chelsea but I'm not about getting my salad tossed
Randomize
