Same, I didn't even get to be tarzan this summer
Its like im going on a blind date, but ive already had sex with her
standing in the yard with no pants on waiting for google maps to come and take a picture.
I gave up sex for lent.
I guess that means I'm postponing our date until after Easter.
No, he grudge fucked my ex so I wouldn't be tempted to get back with her. He is either the worst or best friend ever.
He was on Keeping Up with the Kardashians it was like a deed from god to bang him
Thank you for getting us into that car accident. I have had more guys hit on me than ever before because of my broken fingers.
she's doing key bumps of parmesean cheese
you puked on the porch, i can see your jacket on the floor next to your underwear. i know your home, unchain the door, you're the worst roommate ever.
Need your help. Dad's drunk and trying to build a still in the basement.
NM he's asleep in a pile of towels. They need to ease people back into Hockey Night in Canada.
I arrived home at 7am wearing nothing but my underwear and a fedora. I ate half a dozen deviled eggs. Put Katy Perry on repeat. And cried myself to sleep. We cannot go out on Thursday anymore
I cried over the lack of milkshakes I've consumed in the last month
anyone can pick a bar fight and pick up a waitress at a bar, not everyone hangout with two wolves. TWO WOLVES.
I think I've had more sex in your bed than you have and I've only been here three days
Literally just stood behind a guy in line at Walmart get his card declined when he attempted to purchase condoms. That's rock bottom.
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