well, someone with very low standards is getting their dick sucked
i think he drugged the pie. i'll get back to you on that later.
You say you're gonna take rehab seriously... but i keep imagining it as a training montage for you preparing to snort all of columbia.
That actually is really sweet of you
I told him id do anything with him and he said angry pirate? So I said okay. Never seeing him again.
What's an angry pirate?
You dont want to know. If someone offers say no. Never ever do the angry pirate. Ever.
Big girls don't cry they get day drunk
I'm not gonna lie. The only reason I haven't drank a whole bottle of crown tonight is because we only had 3/4 of a bottle left.
Why were you not born a dude?
Because god wanted to level the playing field
If they were bad they leave that night, if they were good they get a gold star, and if they were great they get invited back. Simple.
It's six am and her daughter just walked in on her mom and roomful of naked people playing strip spoons. glad Im apart of that childhood memory....
Tell me why I woke up outside of our hotel room Wearing a cowboy hat and boots in Las Vegas.
He said he wanted to sit next to the fountain so he could "watch the water hit the other water".
Look, all I'm looking for is a good time and someone whose chest I can bury my face in
I should stop pointing to my vagina when I say "I'm in charge!"
You don't have to buy me dinner, watch tv or even hang out if you don't want. Just fuck.
Omfg 7 hour sex session who am I?
PS: I think I'm in love
Ability to walk tomorrow tbd
Randomize
