My balls are so social today.
Woke up. Made a pizza. Burnt it. Going back to bed cuz today sucks
Every now and then I'll talk to a creeper for an extended amount of time. Randy, for instance, funded our entire night of horrible decisions.
Showering in the handicapped shower. Im THAT hungover.
You do realize I got a panda tattooed on my ass just to get you laid, right?
She broke up with him yesterday after she cheated on him. He's going a bachelor party next weekend. How has Homeland Security not raised the threat level?
In college, I had one standard. Penis. A lot has changed since then. Now I really only have one standard. Breathing.
Yes. We drank 3/4 of a handle of vodka, fried and ate a 3lb package of bacon, I tackled the neighbors snowman, made snow angels in our underwear, and then fucked all night. Christmas success.
I'm busy watching infomercials. I'd say I'll join you later, but I'm doing a shot every time they demonstrate how difficult life is WITHOUT this product. So I doubt I'll be able to walk in another... Maybe 40 minutes.
But feel free to join! A new infomercial starts in 12 minutes.
I spent the day drinking wine and meditating. I'm zen as fuck.
i don't find him as attractive when he's dressed as himself...bring back Indiana jones and I would so fuck him again
Good!!! I'm so proud of you for not snorting alcohol. Big girl steps.
So was this before or after he cried about trump?
After
Your dad was just slow dancing with the priest and holding a beer. Classic
OMG I DIDNT READ THAT TEXT CAREFULLY CAUSE I'M ON THE DEVILS LETTUCE & I THREATENED TO PUNCH A CHILD OMG I'M SO SORRY
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