Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
Dude, she knew her leg was on fire and she kept dancing. Bad-fucking-ass.
we hooked up. but it was that weird mix of getting naked and watching Balto that made it so awesome.
on a related note, did you know that the fire alarm in our apartment talks?
some guy just burried his vomit in the sand.
This guys mom bought us a 24 pack and drove me and 8 others to a frat house... Hello moms weekend.
Just drug him and when he wakes up be like "you just woke up from a coma, we've been married for the past five years." It'll be like the Vow but fucked up.
At the drs she looked at my back saw your scratch marks and asked "does your back itch a lot?"
Why am I the only one golf clapping for the vomiting girl on the train who just fell of her seat into her own vomit
No I need this job. I actually contemplated buying a vibrator with my dad's credit card the other night.
Do you know how many guys' fantasies I've been told I'm a part of lately?!
Just 2. But still.
This chick just walked by and pet my beard. Don't know, never talked to her. She just walked by and pet my beard.
Marry her
She moaned the name on my fake id during sex, that or she's cheating on me with someone named Victor
im shaving my vagina and listening to frank sinatra, im coming over after
I couldn't have possibly been that bad
You had her flip the penny over to the lucky side before you picked it up and ate it...
Randomize