I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
tuesday night obama will do an address about the oil spill at 8... it'll only be about 15 minutes... but i think thats plenty of time for a drinking game. key words "oil" "bp" and "responsibility"?
Fuck yes. Let's make bingo cards.
Remember my theory about how the universe perfectly unfolds to fuck me? Well, it's at work right now
It made me think of you cause he just screamed "CAPTAIN PLANET" a lot and kicked people in the balls.
I just got checked out by a paramedic whilst their sirens were on. I'm doing something right
My mom just covered me while I peed in the street. I love her. i also love parents weekend.
Oh it's not a problem. Cleaning up the yard and disposing of 75 gallons of Jello is all I've got to look forward to today.
well his attempt to make a white russian with instant coffee, gone off milk, and that weird probably illegal vodka we bought the other day isnt going well
Dude my pants were only on for 20 minutes after she got there.
That's 30 minutes too many.
They've already turned me into the Dean of Students once because they felt 'unsafe' because I came home hammered and asked one of them to make me a grilled cheese sandwich. Like, I just ASKED!
Reasonably certain my seventh grade teacher is encouraging me to drop acid on twitter
doing squats while I brush my teeth.. gotta keep the booty in check
You were holding onto her boobs like you were adrift at sea and they were the only flotation devices
Guess who's now on the no-fly list? If you guessed me, you'd be right.
Just waxed 95% of the hair off my vag. If he doesn't enjoy this tonight, you will, whether you like it or not.
Randomize
