I'm gonna do things to you that will make the neighbors want to move.
I'm in a trailer park. But I'm not scared. The virgin always lives.
The guy I fucked last night is well worth up the ass tuition. I just wish I could tell dad thanks!
He deleted all his profile pics with her. It was like the bat signal for single women everywhere.
i jsut waqnnna hugg thw crap outa sokme peoplee
She's trying to feed the TV fried rice and screaming "FRIED RICE AND TEARS". Please bring me more booze.
Thanks be to the Goddess of Whores!! I straightened my bed before Ken got here. Found Calvin's boxers in the sheets!!!!
That money I left you should go to the stripper that fell asleep in your bed. Sorry
I am slightly proud of the fact his mom turns on the dryer located behind the spare bedroom EVERY time we visit!
Finally met a man who appreciates my beer pong skills, definitely a keeper for the weekend
he spent an hour trying to rescue a bug from the sink. turned out to be a sesame seed.
Omg. We have to workout today. I just looked at myself in the mirror and thanked a god I don't believe in for drunken boys and dark rooms.
So you're mad that I let you go home with the guy with soft hands but yet you can't understand that I was just trying to help you
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.
"He's not as cute as he was last week" and "I'm not as drunk as I was last week" are basically the same sentence.
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