Turns out drinking large amounts of Gentleman Jack does NOT turn you into a Gentleman -- quite the opposite actually.
alright so where did all these fingerpaintings on my bedroom wall come from?
dude. you drew those with your dick
Want updates from david's night out drinking? If so text back DAVID to this number. Std rates apply.
He still hasn't made a move, so I slept with his brother last weekend. Maybe sibling rivalry will motivate........
I wasn't sure how he was going to followup "so,i shot myself.." i guess "w a nail gun" is the best choice out of what I expected
I just woke up in my ex-boyfriends bed, with my new boyfriends jersey on. I love March maddness.
They are fixing my bike for free, trying to smoke me out, and their kids keep hugging me.
Last night I woke up and the national rep of his frat was sucking my toe.
Please tell me I was just dreaming when I asked if I could borrow your jesus dildo
We have a shopping cart in our front lawn. Also Mickey D's breakfast?
So you called me the queen of nudes yesterday and I'm still not sure how I feel about it
I keep getting congratulated for drinking 2 six packs of mikes hard and winning the Olympic marathon and I don't remember this shit and now my throat is on fire
While he was fucking me, he just stopped and said, "Mike says Hi." Then proceeded to fuck me.
What did you do?
What do you say to that!? But, when I came, I screamed out my full name.
So you just held his hand and he fucking came...?
I'm pretty sure he sprained my clit...
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