Apparently when he woke up I was tripping my face off. Everytime the cat meowed I would meow back. This went on for several hours.
Scratch that. Lia's boy toy's brother has a gorilla costume. This is gonna be great.
Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
so let's talk penis.
I'm hoping you can explain why I woke up with what I believe is pumpkin pie all over my body
Eric and I just went in the hallway to practice our new handshake in a real life situation at live speeds. That high.
This weekend i learned three things 1) skittles in vodka is good 2) it takes more than a roll of quarters to get a cab home 3) never tell a bartender to give you your change in actual change
just texted my dealer that i could taste the blue but not the cheese. i said i could taste blue.
i had a super strange, mommy/daddy issuestastic, mildly freudian, i-might-as-well-become-a-stripper-now-and-stop-fighting-the-inevitable dream last night :(
Is it too soon for me to wonder what sex with him would be like?
It's pretty self explanatory. You tried to have sex on the hood of a car in front of everyone
Holy shit my cat won't leave the lube alone
I'm a fuck boy trapped in a single mom's body.
Remember when you gave their 80 year old doorman a line of molly at 5am?
i don't like interrupting booty calls. thats just rude.
Randomize
