I'm gunna smoke cigs today. I feel like I'm in that powerful and gritty mood which requires them
I know they r crazy. However porn on a big screen is an easy commitment. They come with mute, stop, fast fwd and replay buttons. if only all women came that way...
I hate cats. They're so curious, it's not their damn business.
You saying I have a drinkingg problem is like saying Superman has a flying problem.
she told me I give head better than a lesbian. I know it's a great compliment but it kind of threw me off.
dude. this chick is staring at me like i gave her brother herpes.
They want me to get them some X for there wedding present. I'm on the way to get it now
We got the possum out of our house. We built a maze with our empty kegs and chased it with brooms.
And now you understand the importance of Saturday naps.
Because you stay up all night having sex and eating sushi?
NO MAKING MOLDS OF ANYONES GENITALS
Fine. Suck all the fun out of life.
Yeah if I don't text back. I'm eating. sleeping. Or lifting. Or drinking. Or playing call of duty. Like shit man
Would it be rude to use my vibrator? like he forfeited his right to be mad when he left me orgasmless...right?
Soooo I think my neighbor just saw me masturbating on my porch
They already have a joint checking account. She's got his balls in her purse! What's next, a shared Facebook account?
Coffee and girl scout cookies. Breakfast of champions.
Get fucked.
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