I got fucking wesley sniped last night by that power hoe. How'd it end up on your end? Did you canoodle the stripper enough for her to agree to go to formal?
The guy drove to our house at 6am to sell us weed. Now that's customer service.
my phone cant type all the emotion im having
I looked at the bar tab this morning. The bartender added a $25 'customer asshole fee'. I have no grounds to dispute it.
She either was great at sex or I finished the whole bottle of svedka my self
I'm at your house, laying with your dog, eating taco meat, take your time.
the cops were hovering over him then shinned a flashlight to the floor above ours, then I realized that some fucker jumped from the third story.
fuck our hall.
If I had pants on, you wouldn't be getting this text message
We lost you in the mall, but to no surprise we found you waiting in line to sit on santas lap. You said you wanted to ask him for a pound of weed and a subway giftcard for xmas.
I have a breathe right strip stuck to my forehead, several inexplicable bruises and I think someone tried to paint my nails with glue, but I still have my Santa hat. I'm gonna call this one a success.
While randomly hooking up with my neighbor last night he says "it's okay we're neighbors".
he looks like the poster child for myspace how the hell does he have other hoes?
You went home with a guy at 11... than returned to the bar at 1
You got drunk, made toast, and declared yourself a domestic goddess.
you have 10 seconds to explain why the toilet is full of bread or its ALL GOING ON YOUR BED.
Randomize
