mustard is like jesus in yellow tights
dpoing straight shots of jhameson. boys are imp ressed. i apologize
she said her black crocs were her 'dress up crocs'
I'm walking down the street with a Starbucks in one hand and a flask in the other. People seem to have a staring problem
What do I have to do to get you laid? I talked to that girl with the ugly dog for 45 minutes trying to get you in, and all you said was "Steven Spielberg is my favorite director."
my mom and grandma just had a splits competition. slut runs in the family
Fuck you for setting me up with the guy from the Nickelback cover band
Payback for not stopping me from fucking the guy in the wookie costume
Just threw up in front of the Boy Scouts on my base. Welcome to the Navy kids.
I hate waking up Sunday morning and thinks "how many friends did I lose last night".... Normally it's between 1-5.
I hid a TracFone in her bra. We'll find her tomorrow.
it's pizza time hurry your sexcapades
I've only fucked to 2 Fleetwood Mac songs, that must be why my life feels so empty.
I didn't even respond. Just letting the crazy settle before I calmly fuck his shit up.
Who's phone is in my pants and why did I wake up clutching a handle of vlad?
Should I wish him a happy birthday?
Well he has been inside of you enough times that you probably should.
Randomize
