she was so hung over that i had to hold her hair while she puked in a trash can in the middle of the student center as new freshman and their parents walked by.
You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
my three year anniversary of no dick sucking is coming up. you can throw me a party with a penis cake.
My mom just used the words "ice cunt". It may be an interesting day afterall.
I just got a Community College debit card in the mail. My failure has been materialized.
I have to overdose on valtrex I had a rough weekend.
We are not buying weed off a guy from the internet.
For future reference "I'm too drunk to come today" is an acceptable line to get out of work. I love my job
do you think this outfit says "I maintained my dignity this weekend"?
WHAT KIND OF SELF RESPECTING 28 YEAR OLD WOMAN WAKES UP IN A FRAT HOUSE?!?'
The cougar kind?
If I don't have tequila in my hand soon, I'm going to have to violate human rights laws
Ask me who hasn't showered since Sunday and just got cruised at the gas station on his way to work. I'm a terrible gay.
I should be trashily making out with an air force cadet in the beach volleyball court by now
My feet surprised me
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns
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