Note to self. Never fart in a tanning bed
I would make tea from her tampons just to see her tits
I'm seriously so bored I'm seeing how many rooms I can masturbate in before I get caught.
Four. Poor grandma...
Ryan Howard.... the only guy who struck out more than me this weekend
i'm drunk and confused. there might be a 4 year old here.
I managed to fit my wallet, my keys, my phone, Tammy's necklace, and $38.50 all in my bra. and $1.50 is in quarters. go me.
btw im using a cooler as a purse cause i love string cheese
Counseling BFF to break up with her BF. We will get that 3-way
It's official. 2011 is the year of sport fucking
I need to get a job that holds me accountable for something. Otherwise I wake upon Monday wondering when the booze store opens and if I still have a boyfriend.
I just need like a magic vacuum to suck everything out of me and then an IV to put good stuff back in
but, alas, I am not the lady in the streets. I'm simply the freak in the sheets.
One of the finest moments in my life was when I was puking in between my legs as I was shitting, and thought to myself "hmm this shall be called shomiting."
I have 2 bottles of wine, a sharpie, and a panda mask and don't have to wake up early. Can u do the math on this?
It’s a 10 inch dick! Of course I’m getting a Brazilian
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