and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
My life is like a Sweet Valley High book but with lots of alcohol.
you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
the only thing i remember last nigh is talking to some chick for thirty minutes about cheese.
I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
He sent me a pic and IT CURVED OUT OF THE PICTURE! Curved. Out. Of. The. Picture.
I mean I'm into guys with money but more into guys I'm actually attracted to
yeah i guess i'd rather he was hot than rich
wow i don't know if that qualifies as growing up but if it does i'm all in
Not sure if you're still doing the whole "sleeping with only one person" thing but if you're not we should sleep together when I get back in town tonight.
K, im gonna wait to get my dick pierced so we can do it as a family function.
My mom asked me if I ever go on dates. I had to suppress the urge to ask if having casual sex with a freshmen counts as dating
They're fighting and it sounds intense. Cross your fingers for their demise
Toss in some raw meat and play heavy metal music. It will insight violence.
Next year for Halloween you can be the sword swallower, with a penis shaped sword.
It's going to be like a slumber party but with ketamine
Is it day drinking when the suns up like when does that start
asking for a friend
I showed up drunk and covered in glitter, smelling like stale booze and dirty stripper and my younger brother gave thanks his life wasn’t a shitshow like mine
That’s how my thanksgiving went
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