That weatherman I hooked up with is on TV again
every time I see Anne Hathaway all I can think is "my cousin fucked a guy who fucked her" and it makes me proud.... so I want to say thank you for being that cousin.
I woke up with someone else's vomit on my ass. That's how I'm doing today.
woke up with the bag of wine duct taped to my shoulder.
You misunderstood me....i wasnt asking and it is not negotiable
You're making this sound more like a hostage situation than a booty call.
Was behind a guy going 20 for 4 miles I'll be there as soon as the universe quits fucking me
You wanna know how bad I feel? I couldn't get out of bed to get the remote, so I just downloaded the comcast app on my phone so I could change the channels
Buy Actually if the police need to find my body I'm on an air mattress in an apartment near a McDonald's that's all I see out dat Window
I can't believe I came last night staring into my profile pictures eyes.
You can't call dibs on the bed... every time you party you KO in the bathtub
You were petting your bowl of cocoa puffs and shushing it softly while staring at the mirror
I want to ride his face like a jet ski
i think if a sober person was watching us they would have not thought we were witty
I got a 93 percent on my last mid term and I was drunk. Think of the possibilities if i were sober for the one thats tommorrow.
you tried to fight the cop who was busting the party, you said you had a constitutional right to do a keg stand...
Randomize
