Excuse me do you have gonnorhea?
the not having weed thing wouldnt be nearly as tragic if it wasnt the one holiday where they launch bright flaming things into the air
My dad just walked in on me screwing the chick from the bar...the look of relief on his face was sort of hurtful.
Just opened a bottle with my rape whistle. At least it's finally getting used for something.
Dude, smoked out of a pumpkin tonight. I like Halloween more now
whoever set the energy saving light timer in the lobby bathroom cleraly has no concept how long a work dump takes
I woke up naked, with the lights on, using my backpack as a pillow and a pillow as a blanket.
I'm lowering my standards just so I can get laid, but I draw the line when a guy spells cool kewl
I don't think I can look at him the same way anymore after he walked in my room wearing a short skirt with a boner.
If it's up to me, I'll already have my pants on and walking out before he gets soft afterward.
i got to hold a baby today and i loved it and i want a baby but actually i'm going to make an appointment to get birth control now.
You texted me the words "butt stuff" 53 times in a four hour period last night.
Sometimes in life you just have to realize the security deposit isn't worth it.
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
I resent the implication of a jizz addiction
Randomize