My nephew just came out playing with my moms vibrator.
There's a woman here that looks like a cross between Michael Jackson and Flipper.
Nothing says fuck you quite like putting your used condom in someones mailbox for them to find in the morning.
Throw up on the ground, people dancing to loud Bollywood music, seats literally missing. Fuck I hate public transit
he just sent me a pic of him naked with a bucket of margarita mix hanging off his dick
She said "don't make this weird" and then proceeded to sniff me.
No padding. I spent my whole summer with my nips out. October don't need that too.
It was everywhere. My dick was a sprinkler of lost future children.
I just dried my bra with your hair straightener because the drier is broken again.
How is your new roommate working out
We are drinking at the laundromat. And will probably have sex later. So...pretty good.
You used your chihuahua as a pillow screaming "HE'S A PILLOW AND A PET" and proceeded to puke in the dog bed
You haven't lived until you have fucked while Fantasia is on
well tomorrow I get to eat fungus and go to an abandoned city.
most people would fear that statement, but i wish to join you
5 am booty call not ok. The fact I actually went over definitely not ok. My vag needs to learn some control.
I'm too drunk to make ramen. What the fuck is this.
Randomize
