He keeps looking? I tried to shag. I invited him to this table but he went to ze other one! If he shaves his 'tache I would totally hit it.
I think that the winner of this years fantasy football league should get naming rights to you child
Call me when you get up. This hang-over is like dismantling a bomb: I need someone to talk me through it.
She got the hiccups while deep throating me. It was epic. Once in a lifetime experience.
You are so lucky you didn't go back to Tate's house. They decided to figure out who had the biggest balls... I was the judge
Would nail polish remover take gorilla glue off my nipples? We had a strange night.
I was going through my settings and the phone randomly started playing "Crazy Little Thing Called Love" by Dwight Yoakum. Out loud. At full volume. I was shitting. There were 3 other people in the bathroom. I love iOS 7.
she and her cat are both sick as fuck so they just sat there looking at each other with her nose dripping on the cat's. both out of fucks
Just made a diving catch to save a handle of Fireball falling out of the car. ESPN worthy.
30 year old woman with braces and crocs came into the store today with her boyfriend. what am I doing wrong.
I'm spending my Sunday wishing the entire Patriots offense would let me touch their manhood
You said, "I'll have this whole island inside of you by 6 AM. Just point out who you want and I'll make it happen."
its been well over a year and hes still saying sex with me was epic
So do you guys remember Danny from Tinder?
Sorry I only remember personality traits, not names.
I just recommended that the library purchase the first major hentai with tentacle porn. Really, I'm doing everyone a favor.
Randomize
