You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
I think im going to throw up on grandma
I just saw grafitti that read "Mug The Fart Eater". Really, Memphis? That's all you've got?
Spider just rapelled from her vag rethinking online dating.
you know you go to a catholic school when you are rollin a joint with matthew 14:1-12
he broke up with me while standing outside, half naked, waiting to fuck him. i feel like a leper right about now.
OMG HAIR ON HIS DICK. HAIR ON HIS DICK AS IN GROWING OUT OF HIS DICK. HAIR.
Roommate just came in drunk and tweaked out because my tv has a DVD player built in. Waaaaaayyyy too sober for that conversation.
We couldve played the bring a random boy to lunch game but i made him go home
Next time she asks for a ride to her "cousins" house and it turns out to be a booty call we're charging her for each mile.
He offered to take my unemployed self out for drinks, but I really just want him to buy me the Beyoncé album
He is such a generous lover, I can look past the fact his name is fucking Bob.
If I ever write a memoir I'm thinking "Choosing to sit in a vat of shit" would fit
From now on he's gonna have to shave first. It feels like I got eaten out by a chainsaw!
I just googled "how to blow an uncircumcised guy" and did serious research. That's how badly I want to fuck him.
You misuse your internet privileges.
Randomize
