its been so long since i'vebeen laid i've forgotten what a penis looks like. When a guy makes me hot i picture him finishing the job by whipping a multi-setting showerhead out of his pants.
The problem with having your drunkeness documented at a wedding is not only does it show up all over facebook, but all over professional photography websites.
tried to order jimmy johns from the ER last night, the nurses did nottt approve
Bible prof is the guy I made out with at the gay bar on the fourth. He doesn't remember.
She was eating leaves off of trees and saying it was salad, and even told a guy in passing that her favorite color was plaid.
i gave up on the vacation being fun the night i ate all the marshamallows out of the lucky charms while everyone else was having sex in the condo
Chris used to fill up a Camel Back for thirsty Thursday. God I really miss him, do you remember when he gets out of jail?
Just saw a man in a motorized chair roll by drinking a beer. It's 9:45 AM. I love Louisiana.
So now I can cross "have my ass be someone's phone background" off the bucket list. You know, if it was something I actually had wanted to happen.
I know I say this every year but 2015 will be the year I finally have sex with David's sister
THE COP WHO TOOK MY MUGSHOT LAST NIGHT JUST ADDED ME ON FACEBOOK
Haha I wasn't coming anyway. I'm watching Snow White and don't want to put pants back on. Those are completely unrelated. Have a good night.
I just got a hug from a random kid in my class. he said I was a champ at the bar last night..someone help me.
"Uno más" are officially my least favorite words in the entire Spanish language.
I am going as Rudolph for the Christmas Eve furry orgie.
Is Santa taking the sleigh of slutty reindeer around the neighborhood again this year.
Yes. Several neighbors have requested it.
Randomize
