Having an 'SDSU Mom' sticker is just like say 'Hi, my daughter has an std"
masturbating is 5million times harder to finish knowing grandma is in the guestroom downstairs. just so you know.
My 54 year old father just sent me a YouTube link on my school email titled "Walrus sucks his own dick" and then wrote in the email "I wish I were a walrus". What the fuck is wrong with my family?
Why are you covered in frosting?
Friend's birthday situation turned into enlightened cake orgy.
It's like....nice talking about real estate but your son gave me herpes
New Halloween costume idea: Frankenstorm. We have three hours. Make it work.
Is it weird that the girl he dated after me had a child with him and it has my name? I think it means he's not over me. Or I'm really self absorbed...
There something about a girl that pirates lemonade off a restaurant fountain as a mixer that I find intriguing.
I should never be allowed to dance around children at weddings. I think I just insured that a 4 year old will be a future teen mom.
I hate how much more visible my vomit is on snow, I need a winter vomit bush
My memory of last night is a delicious blur of tits, ass, and alcohol.
he stopped mid makeout and said "can I pray for you?"
I can't believe the police had to bring me to my booty call last night
By the time we got to McDonald's you were sharing a Big Mac with a stripper.
We had an argument over whether or not she had super strength. She settled it by dragging me to the bed room and throwing me on the bed. Then forcefully fucking me. She won the argument.
Randomize
