rolled in at 7am w/ 2 girls i met at the strip club. my neighbor was getting up to mow the lawn before he took his kids to school. i'm 31. he's younger. if given the chance, you think he'd want to switch places?
It's a pity Stephen Hawking can't do sarcasm.
Talk about the highs and lows of a night out: had a threesome, then got robbed at knifepoint.
i just added your friend Valery on the FB just to comment on your tits.... thought id give you a heads up
I'll pull you in a wagon. You'll have a sash and a crown on and we'll sing "All the Single Ladies"
Passed out in a rocking chair on her porch. Woke up to the tow truck taking away my car.
The bruises are from paintball. The money is from me being awesome
Why is there an ambulance refusal in my pocket? I'm never going drinking with you again.
It was fine until he came back to my place, grabbed a beer, HIGH-FIVED me, and left.
I feel like I got run over by a bus full of inebriated Scotsmen on the way to a soccer riot.
I can't find a song to express how gay I'm feeling.
he has to serve us drink and appetizers in his french maid costume for the Pirates game tonight. Bring everyone.
If I get one more "oh yaaaaa he changed your oil" texts, I'm gonna lose my shit
Sorry about the confusion with the nudes last night that was rude
I've never had to say don't judge me for chip clips in the shower before
Randomize
