If you had to guess, would you say that as a species, midgets are more or less flammable than humans?
Less. Duh. They have less combustible mass.
Your an asshole
Actually, it's "you're an asshole"
My point exactly
like if someone fucked a dictionary but instead of having a penis, it was just one of those leap frog educational toys
I hope to god you are high
You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
Breakfast of vicodin and eggs out of a solo cup at about three in the afternoon on a wednesday...I have my life together
Seriously, it was like sucking my thumb.. and im not even saying that to be spiteful b/c he is a really nice guy.
You have more facebook pictures than most towns have people.
I gotta stop tellin complete strangers at the bar that they're the godparents to my first born
Like really my mothers day gift is a pic of his dick
FALSE ALARM! I didn't piss myself, I fell asleep in the shower and then drunkingly crawled into my bed
Ps this homeless dude just came in hotel bar w a sword sticking out his jumpsuit trying to buy a drink w a 3rd party check
you left the hospital looking like the grudge, your mom and I were pushing you in a wheel chair and you yelled peace out fuckers.
Yesterday we were fuck buddies and today I'm meeting his mom. That escalated quickly.
I couldn't even tell you how many times I've said "wrong hole" today
I knew how blacked out you were when you started doing that thing where you dance around and call yourself the Black Swan.
Randomize
