i can barely afford taco bell don't think a baby is in the budget
Why are you covered in frosting?
Friend's birthday situation turned into enlightened cake orgy.
A piece of cheeseburger just fell between my tits. Consider this a "wish you were here" postcard.
Im trying to find an appropriate gift to your mom for getting both you and your sister on birth control within a week, any suggestions?
I wish I could rewind to my 8th birthday instead. I wanna wake up, eat as much cake as I want, and have a Transformers birthday party without someone judging me.
Please just tell me how ugly she was so I can bask in the diminishingly small reassurance that might give me
Guys with values who care about your personality don't cum on your back the 2nd time they you sleep with you.
We created a neighborhood watchdog drinking game
IF THE GUY WHO I AM BORROWING OUR CAR FROM FINDS ONE CONDOM OR JIZZ STAIN IN THIS CAR HE IS GOING TO CASTRATE MY ASS. SERIOUSLY, DON'T FUCK IN THE CAR.
This is the beginning of the end. Testicle Tuesdays and free ball Friday are going to scar people for life
Dude that picute of your balls will haunt my nightmares
I better make out with at least 3 princesses and 4 animals this weekend.
All because of that GODDAMNED MIKE PENCE.
Oh, do you remember telling everyone you were with that your vagina was angry last night?
She put her coat on went to leave and called me an asshole. I responded with "I never said I wasn't" and then she pounced on me like a cat on cat nip.
Same way I cope with everything else. With dildos, dunkin and depeche mode
Randomize
