woke up in a shopping cart using a keystone box as a blanket. how was your night?
get home. someone threw up in the fishtank last night.
I woke up to a paper award certificate for best blow job and he was gone. You're welcome mystey man.
sometimes i think what itd be like to be a firework
They're like penises that have been put in a blender.
Shit, I may have left some acid in your bathroom last night. Has he been in there lately.
I've just never had a dinner guest strut in, go directly to my bathroom, vomit.. then come out demanding whiskey and food.
I refuse to have sex with you and your eBay condoms.
I don't care who it's from we're getting blown. It's a 3 day weekend anything can happen
i dont know whats weirder. that i told him he stabbed me in my dream or that he told me i wasnt the first girl to tell him theyve been killed by him in a dream
I wish on days I started my period Chipotle would come to my house with a burrito bar ... Then give me a chocolate cake and a large beer.
A few days ago I apparently came up, asked her to make me soup, and handed her a can of coconut milk.
I was proudly and successfully the first girl ever to get kicked out of a the bar for being too drunk last night. Loving spring break.
starting to feel like a fuck wizard with a magical sixth sense for people fucking.
I'm not gonna plow a chick in front of her 14 year old brother....
Randomize