If you want her to think you're a true humanitarian, you may want to stop referring to Hands Across America as "the Ghostbusters 2 of fund raisers."
please quote me on this- the only thing worse than being ugly is being ugly and thinking that you're pretty
No, I was feeling sad because all of the other girls were like model-skinny. But then I remembered that I had big boobs and went to hit on their boyfriends.
I'm drinking bacardi out of her mom's eco-green starbucks mug and chasing it with her sister's "for track only" vitamin water. Hello suburbia
In class ... We were just assigned groups for the quarter... Remember that night we took shots from that guys pants? I now know his name
what is it with giant penises always finding me
welp wont be popping out a kid with a beret. frenchie is gone and the mother nature showed herself. bilingual kid can be erased from the bucket list
I woke up on the ground next to a bed of naked men. I'm either a drunken genius or the enemy....
My mom just saw the bruise on my chest from the bite mark he left. Played it off that I hit myself w a box of beauty products. She believed me. God I love working retail sometimes.
I have never heard someone not give a fuck so poetically in my life. I feel like you should be leading men into battle with a speech like that
Being drunk is way better. Seriously, I just licked your brother to make sure my spit was actually real.
some people waaaaait a lifetime for a hookuppp like this some people seeeearch forever for that one special handjobbb
Just had sex in the room next to my parents. Heading back to school ASAP.
It's 5AM and I just stirred weed butter into ramen noodles. This is not where I expected to be at 30. ...But, hey, getting high off noodles.
We turned his nipples into a drinking game.
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