I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.
Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.
Aren't I supposed to sit on your face?
we just toasted to your mouth on alex's balls at the bar
youre totally missing out on eating your boogers right now. my entire face is numb
Who has a video camera? i want to look back on this one day and say OH thats why i spent 2 years in jail
I also tried to drunkenly adopt a kitten last night. It didn't pan out.
You do realize that we got a stripper to do the YMCA for us on the main stage... Right?
Ok so in the last 18 months I have now driven four different dudes into counseling. I'm like heroin with a vagina.
I'm. Arresyed bur sierra ue obbe of mt vet friends. I hope we can tyajk ane gwt ob the same page. Ur aweaome ttyl.
It turns out my English teacher used to pose for Playboy. She's an inspiration.
And then I fed you egg rolls in bed as you were screaming I'm moving out
She fell off the bed and giggled until she passed out naked. It was really weird.
Probably not gonna date her.
YOU CAN'T JUST ADD EVERYONE WHO ENTERS MY VAGINA ON FACEBOOK WTF
I traded some nice guy at the bar ten bucks and a pack of cigarettes for his leather jacket. I'm pretty sure I win at life. Whoever is in my phone as Tyler Durden, I thank you.
5 am booty call not ok. The fact I actually went over definitely not ok. My vag needs to learn some control.
Randomize
