I hope you never procreate. Philly is already the ugliest city in the country.
who are you and why are you in my phone as dr. seuss
she said if I bought her franzia she would blow me, and she would fuck me if I splurged on martini and rossi. Franzia it is
All I want in this world right now are Doritoessssss
OK. You going to get home safe? Who are you with?
Doritoesssssss
he was so high that he wouldn't speak to anybody for like 30 minutes, he'd only gobble, like a turkey.
i cant do it anymore.. every time this girl orgasms she sounds like a motorcycle
Just hooked up on shake weight girl's dad's porsche. What are YOU doing with your life?
Fuck it dude, we gotta bounce before she starts talking about her steve irwin conspiracy
The fact that I pulled something plastic out of my mouth after taking that shot is starting to concern me.
URGENT INPUT I'm at a renesance fair after party and I'm 100% lined up to fuck their sword swallower OR their contortionist. Dont say both - which direction doth I roll?
No man we're leaving now. The party will probably be busted soon. O and a bitch started throwing knives around the place, like real actual knives.
Also, there's definitely not a non-hilarious way to ask to stick something up your butt.
he rolled over in the morning and told me happy valentines day. i don't even know his first name.
Can you face time me. I need to know if this pill is xanex or ecstasy
Mom wants to know if you're coming over or if it's safe for her to take her bra off...
Randomize
