Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
Yes, it's true. 4 fingers.
One of her kids, Dakota I think, got stuck in a ceiling fan and she had a fit, thats when she found the penis hat.
The bartender told me the best pick-up line was to look deep into her eyes and tell her your gonna flick her vagina
At least I cut out the pieces of your hair where I braided gum into it last night. Thank me later.
I just saw a girl on crutches doing a walk of shame. She is either super dedicated, or her night didn't go as planned.
She thinks I come over for the sex, but I really come for the snacks.
mate, my mother watched me threw up out of my nose wearing only a g-string.
It's a low moment when you're looking at your girlfriends tits on your daughter's phone..
I'm getting better, this year I only showed up drunk to 1 final.
I'm basically your average "grandpa stuck in a 28 year old woman's body" - i'm super passionate about retirement and crossing on the walk signal.
and SLEEP god I love sleep
I snapchatted him nudes and he didn't screenshot a single one of them because he's a gentleman.
He took me home and by the time I woke up after catching up on sleep I realized I accidentally put on one of his fiances socks. whoops.
I don't know what you're doing this morning, but obtaining Plan B is my number-one priority.
So she said she could really go for a cheeseburger and I remembered I had one in my pocket. No idea where it came from.
Randomize
