so he let me use one of the toothbrushes that came in his daughters 4 pack, purple glittery toddler toothbrush, the next time i came back his wife has used their label maker and put my name on it...
I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
When black out puking doesn't involve crying and promises to never get drunk again... to just a subtle, 'excuse me while I go vomit in the bathroom of this bar'.. you know you've finally grown up.
i almost burnt down an apartment complex. little busy, get back to you later
was it morally wrong to have used his girlfriends makeup after i fucked him?
you are dancing on the line between undergrad and alcoholic.
I'm gonna rob all up in that cradle
im sleeping with a therapist...so you can talk to me.
In case you're wondering what frozen hashbrowns taste like at 4 in the afternoon, shame. They taste like shame.
Emergency thong? Check! Suspension bondage is a go!
Reading becomes significantly more difficult when people are having crazy loud sex in an adjoining room
I left my Bacardi and dignity in your freezer. Will come get it later.
So adding to the list of things my boobs can do, sweeping with a broom is apparently a thing.
Yeah. I hurt his pride. But he's not over it. And by it I mean me.
Not sure what you smoked, but you put raw bacon on the lazy Susan and spent 45 minutes looking at it and mumbling Meat Spin
Randomize
