did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
Left my ID again and at a Giant's game. This is the second time they accepted my handgun safety certificate as proof of ID to buy beer.
I walked into his room and he was naked with a half eaten pecan pie and a bottle of wine.
we bought a duck. we're keeping him in our dorm room. don't ever try to tell me you've had a better freshman year than me.
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
I want him to rain dance my fallopian tubes.
If me getting shot doesn't get me pussy I am officially gay
My chiropractor just high fived me for getting drunk enough to throw my back out this weekend.. Life. Complete.
He cried & told me I reminded him off his mother. I don't want to talk about it. I want to drink about it.
Came home to my roommate drinking a 40 in the shower. Chugging with his hair still fully shampoo'd.
Halloween: the only night of the year wheee the more high I get, the more it compliments my makeup and outfit.
DO NOT LET HIM TAKE CONTROL OVER YOUR BOWELS
There we go, I shall begin my attempt to achieve whore status today
he said to "slap him" after he guessed the time correctly. i did.
I have filthy fantasies involving his tongue. My vagina almost exploded while he was licking that ice cream cone.
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