I just farted in the dogs face to show him who's boss
Just saw a man being put through a dui test on the side of the road... it was noon and he was on a bicycle. God bless texas.
I hope you fall in a pool of honey in an immensely populated region of bears.
I wish I could rewind to my 8th birthday instead. I wanna wake up, eat as much cake as I want, and have a Transformers birthday party without someone judging me.
Why are there sofa cushions on the floor? And why isn't there a sofa in this room that doesn't have cushions?
Take advantage man but know that every anal bead u drop inside her will make her love u 2% more. It's science
You can't break up with me and ask me for a handjob on the same day. At least not in that order.
You're in a tuxedo, you can pee wherever you want.
I came in your room, you looked at me and said "I fucked up" and then some kid showed up and took you to the hospital
This stranger told me I should "start playing for the other team" and then continued to talk to me about the joys of being a lesbian
Just casually ripping a bowl in the chicken coop, with the chickens. NBD
Shawn wouldn't stop singing about his cock on the ride home that night it freaked my girlfriend out how consistent he was
So we broke my sobriety. Played life size childhood games. Broke into a cold hot tub and got laid. I think this is BFF quality!
I just connected with one of your drug dealers on LinkedIn.
If you ever "miss" working, I'm going to fist you with my hulk hands. BOTH of them.
Randomize
