Almost ran you over in the parking lot. You look good
You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
So basically our separate showers turned into one shower, to save water, which turned into a bath, which turned into sex on the bed, which turned into drinking beer in the bed, and thats what the stain is from... bud light. sorry.
thank god my boss can't smell the tequila on my breathe over the phone.
Green mimosas i think yes
i remember going to sleep after the 4th time i threw up this morning and hoping i didn't have to again because then it would be uneven between saturday and sunday. my ocd is getting out of control
I think I'm drunk at the airport. Oh the possibilities
yeah she's crazy. she fought a possum in my alley because it was "being a cagey little cunt"
I just dumped the bloody coke bill into the tip jar while getting my hangover coffee. I'm literally going to hell.
I just want to have sex and eat dumplings. Is that so much to ask?
We can't do acid Disneyworld.
You gave my cousin a blowjob and are facebook friends with my mom. Is there a name for this level of friendship?
I feel like I shouldn't be encouraging my friends to hook up with their teachers.....but if it's for academic reasons....then I definitely encourage it.
people need to understand when I say I don't want to drink anymore that doesn't mean tempt me with another bottle of Jose Cuervo.
I guess I was telling girls last night that I was a virgin with terminal cancer again
Randomize
