if you don't start talking to me i'm gonna tell your gf that you said she tastes bad
So you actually don't remember giving head to the Neil Armstrong statue last night?
After Sake bombs he tried to puke into an alluminum beer bottle and shot vomit streaks in a perfect V out the sides of his mouth and hit BOTH girls he had bought drinks for that night. He was like an Icon of Cock-blocking yourself.
He fell asleep and they duct taped him to the floor. He's pissed.
She's grinding on a deaf black man and I'm the interpreter.
Let's just say a refrigerator got involved and after that I had to send him home.
Just rescued a super cute pair of Gucci heels off the sorority lawn on my way to work. Things are worth two paychecks. Fuck trust fund kids.
The usual, im laying out. Ipod on shuffle, Large spray bottle to cool myself of and a smaller one filled with chilled vodka. I can spray the vodka right in my mouth without even opening my eyes. THIS IS LIVING....
My car smells like beer, you're here in spirit
If you've never been pounded by an Eastern European body builder, I would highly recommend it.
This is my last chance to be the first person to fall off this roof.
Sad realization: so long as I use this sleep apnea machine, I will never be the little spoon!
I think I may have just hit a new slutty low! ..... Just purchased the Costco pack of condoms... $9.99/48 pack = amazing deal! The judgement when I bust out the value pack = priceless!!!
I'm so sorry for trying to eat your puzzle last night...
If it makes you feel better he's in the stall next to me and I'm taking a diabolical shit. He's complaining
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