If it were my dying wish, would you come over 2nite 2 save me?:):):) wana come anyways?
ii just google-imaged 'sad turtle' and maggie gyllenhaal only came up once. what is the world coming to?
I thought we agreed, no more super glueing action figures to my dick
says the girl that drank her shots like they were in a dog bowl
He was very impressed that you could put your hair in a ponytail by yourself while throwing up.
You told me you loved me after I brushed your teeth with my index finger.
There's a Russian guy here. In the bar. Drinking vodka. Wearing a trench coat and a hat and a mustache. Idk where the confusion is.
well we called the liquor store to tell them to stay open five more minutes so we could make it and they recognized our voices. I've never been more proud.
Will that be creepy to wake him up at midnight with my tongue all over his body??
Did copperhead road at the bar. All the girl next to me did was stare at my glorious bouncing tits. CAN I FUCKING HELP YOU?? I worked hard for these tits.
Did I fall on/off the boat yesterday? Cuz my right leg looks and feels like if it got hit by shrapnel.
I wanna come do a blessing for your apartment. And by that I mean I want to drink a lot of whiskey and watch ancient aliens in your apartment
You're like my little fucked up version of the groundhog seeing its shadow, only it's boobs and warm weather.
I just wanna inform you guys that the first pregnancy scare of 2016 is over...
he's trapped himself under a bed and is screaming at a robot dog to give him a blowjob
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