There's trophy wives that arent even in the 5th grade yet
the hot woman interviewing me is reading jokes off the back of laffy taffy.... I'm getting laid and possibly a job
You asked me to be the big spoon, when you passed out on the stairs
I need to sleep with 3 more guys by midnight to meet my 2010 resolution..
I had no idea a 5'8 girl could fit entirely on her knees in front of the passenger seat of a Sunfire, but I am very happy to now have that knowledge.
Just bought a breathalyzer and Sharpies, guess who thought of a new drinking game
I wish you could see how much hot sauce and broken glass are in our apartment right now.
Just had Jager bombs for breakfast with her roommate... I do not regret this newfound lesbianism.
He said you stopped mid-fuck, called fives on his dick, walked out to grab another drink, and came back.
I do wanna see you. And we can just lay here and watch a movie and listen to me cry.
if the furniture in my bedroom wasn't shape shifting... this would be a different story.
It will be interesting
Isn't that your life's motto?
Just licked cheese from my hot pocket off my phone. I spilled because I was eating a Popsicle at the same time. Send an adult please
I took advantage of the fact that my mentee had to go to the bathroom to throw up in the other stall. I'm going to hell for being hungover at an elementary school.
He had me sit on his face until I begged him to stop, then held me there 5 minutes longer. I rested my head on his chest, told him I needed time to recover....and slept for 6 hours. By the time I woke, he was already at work. I just sent him a countdown times until his shift is over.
Randomize
