i have this theory that all the people in the world who dont like mayonnaise had very bad encounter with jizz once
my mom is pro-life. I dare you to fuck me.
i'm smoking hookah in a kayak. how did this happen.
If anyone ask I'm rushing for brotherhood, not so that this bartender will suck my dick
Not sure why, but I was running back and forth across the road. Cab hit me and gave us a free ride home.
Nursing home in NJ just got busted for prostitution and drugs...dropping off my deposit tomorrow
If if makes you feel any better, you're definitely the hottest guy I've ever friendzoned.
Come back. Shots need mouths.
you said "i met the love of my life tonight" and i said "me?" and you said "no, hummus"
Not even official and he's cleaned my puke twice. His hotdog skills are an added bonus. I've got a keeper
Captain and coke. And it's not drinking alone cuz i have a dog
Basically one minute I'm sucking on her nipples and then 45 mins later we're at work and she's my boss.
my gynecologist gave me a high 5 for not getting any STD's since my last visit and said "Way to go Annabeth!" you have twenty seconds to get to my level
As a rule...I don't sleep with my friends or watch movies with talking dogs
Everyone has seen your nipples. It's like asking if they ever walked on grass. You need better hangover questions.
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