? is bags or t-bags slang for scrotum?
jesus mom
Just saw ur first draft of ur suicide note.
You spelled "worthless" wrong.
She's making her own pesto again. Cooking spaghetti in the microwave and "frying" vegetables in the toaster oven. All this while wearing the yellow rubber gloves and saying that the pesto has feelings like a real person. Im terrified.
Im beginning to think that if I ever write an autobiography it will have to be mostly fill in the blank.
Please call me back as soon as your phone is charged, if you die tonight I don't want the last thing I said to you to be "I just farted a little"
Something's wrong. Everything's on fire. Unless it was like that before. Then everything's alright.
Briing, briiing- tricycle ridden. Where is my crown?
She's popping painkillers like they're tic tacs and singing the soundtrack to dreamgirls. It's you're turn to babysit her.
I'm not drinking cause I'm like 4 vodkas away from a boom box and Peter Gabriel.
Mass text to all of my back up boy toys. First one here wins. Mama needs some.
I'm definitely going to class still drunk right now and the freshman dressed as Hugh Heffner last night is texting me. I can't handle this.
The only thing I remember from last night is being naked in his bed if that's not summer drinking at it's finest then I don't wanna live anymore
currently working on a look that screams, "I'm dead inside, but still trying to enjoy the ride"
Fuck that guy and his dumb haircut and awesome dick
I just realized that with the new snapchat update / emoji sticker thing I can now use easily use emojis to cover my boobs in nudes.
Randomize
