I just saw the host of Singled Out do standup. Holy shit 1995.
The words "my birth control fell out" should never be spoken
there's unknown territories my dick was not made to discover
So, how do I go about conveying: I'm sorry, yet very glad she is having my abortion. Via text msg?
She narrowed it down to 7 guys that could have gotten her pregnant.
you were cooking a hot pocket with a grill lighter what did you want me to do
In my drunkeness I was planning how to throw up without my parents hearing. I was gonna go for a "run" and just throw up outside.
I called my dad at 3 a.m. because I thought he'd be proud that I didnt get arrested. Daddys little girl at her finest...
And if I hated you I'd probably say things like, "I never want to speak to you again," or, "Eat a bag of dicks." That's how you'd know.
It's just weird. It's like Big Bird dating Meg Griffin.
He's both a cowboy and a firefighter. Saying "no" was not an option.
Well ill be drunk so just come find me. Its like where in the world is Joey San Diego
I think my liver has finally had enough and is going all Ashley-Judd-in-a-Lifetime-movie on me.
So if you wanna come get your pants you can. But you have to come in your boxers. Rules are rules!
It’s amazing such a big dick belongs to such a boring guy
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