I wish i could clap on, clap off my penis
Plus she can make a mean sandwich! That's all I really need. Well that and foot jobs...
i find it sad that i can no longer sit in the back of class for fear that someone will fart into the heater again.
Note to self: never do anything I don't want to explain to a paramedic
You screamed at all of us and then showed us your sack. You're like the boyfriend of my dreams.
Dude, didn't you know? Its balls out wednesday.
Ryan learned the all important lesson tonight; Red Bull gives you wings, Jaeger gives you gravity.
We're at the urgent care down the street from you if you care to stop by
If i had 4 hands right now is have booze in 3 of them and my cock in the other all because you went to denver. just sayin.
I just got a reminder alert on my phone for an event I titled "Bradley getting stupid high with me in bed." I assume we planned this during the party. I'm down if you are.
A guy is going to be inside me and I'm gunna start singing "I am stuck on your penis, cause your penis is stuck in meeee!"
hotboxing with the ex-bf's two most recent hookups. they just realized they're eskimo sisters with his best friend. this is what happens when I come home for Christmas.
Also, lets remember that we have known each other for nearly a decade and our two most recent photos to one another are boxes of plan b
Plus idk what to say. Like hello dapper gentleman will you pursue me in a midnight hangout where I can be choked
And to celebrate the raising of our lord I just purchased a bunny buttplug. Am I doing this Easter thing right?
taking shots alone in my kitchen before I go learn to give a lapdance. when did this become my life?
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