oh good, I think they're gone
the painters?
my herpes
and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
Can you still call it a wet dream if sandwiches were involved?
I'm 90% sure a girl here is wearing a bra strap as a headband.
I can trace it back to that drunken night where we peed on each other in the shower.
This should be a warning to men everywhere: do not send pictures of your erect penis to women you hardly know - they will add cats and send them to all of their friends.
He was still there when I ran half naked into my suitemate's room where she was skyping her boyfriend and I started singing I JUST HAD SEEEEX
I don't have to hold her hair back as she blows me but I do have to hold the ball on the Santa hat
I DONT UNDERSTAND NIPPLES. THEY JUST POP OUT FOR NO REASON
Well somebody's had a rough day, nipple-wise
Sometimes you have a life bucket list item checked off like 4 tits in your face simultaneously and getting to bang them both. I'm sorry I bailed on skiing but not really. Coming over with a boombox playing 'heat of the moment' as soon as I can hail a cab cause I'm too drunk to drive still...
Dude, my ex girlfriend showed up, bought me a tequila shot, made out with me and then disappeared into the night. Then her current girlfriend saw, so she came over and slapped me and then I made out with her too
This was before halftime
I RUINED A LESBIAN RELATIONSHIP BEFORE HALFTIME
I know I come to this conclusion on a fairly regular basis but I really do need a babysitter
Omg this place. I'm at a neighborhood party. My mom has kissed two other moms. Where am I
You drunk? Cause I have a terrible idea...
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