Im broke. I spend all my money on weed cigarettes alcohol and food. In that order. I cant even cut one of those because you know it'd be food. I already stopped getting my nails done just so i could support my bad habits.
Try denying you're gay when "I'm Not A Girl, But Not Yet A Woman" comes on Shuffle.
I just remembered I gave $20 to a bum last nite. Philanthropy events always make me do stupid shit.
well on a positive note i hear those vitamins you take while pregnant do wonders for your nails
We just threw our carpet out of our room. Via fourth floor window style.
Tried to make out with a statue, turns out it was a person.
Just found out I own a pyramid. Fuck your good grades, I'm living in my pyramid.
Then me, her, and her mom snorted tequila. The bartender was in shock.
I just need to stop hanging out with girls who drink wine coolers.
Someone came into our hotel room and took our remote
What should I do?
And we had three hours of crazy sex then his roommate ate pizza off me while I was sleeping.
The chances of me making out with someone next weekend are about the same as me not remembering it.
Should I be flattered that she mumbled "You're the king of my face" before passing out?
Ugh... The hoe gods giveth and the hoe gods taketh away.
It took me years of patience and pilates and yoga and flirting to land that penis. So yeah, I’m going to ride it into the sunset and live orgasmically ever after
Randomize
