so i texed my mom when i was trashed last night and said "i know its 3 am, just go to bed and i'll be back by the time we leave for the airport"
I think god was stupid personally. The clit should be inside the vagina. Idiot.
just had amazing sex with a girl I got caught with in second grade playing doctor. her examination is finallllly over
MIND BOGGLER: batman and jesus are the same person. Think about it.
just to let you know, its not cheating if i cant feel my hands.
I have located the smell of the stripper and narrowed it down to 3 girls in class
He told me he loved me and then asked if we could have sex in the snow
Dude, did you really "knight me" and tell me I had permission to bang your sister last night?
I hooked up with a lesbian tonite. Top 2 valentines experiences of all time.
No fucking judgements. You know me. Chinese food vent sessions are safe places.
Hey Cat, it's Michael. You made out with me for a hot dog last night and I feel super used.
Remind me to talk to you about nipple clamps.
rock bottom is drinking straight vodka from a protein shaker, singing one direction and crying alone in your room. exams.
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
I've had way too many dicks in my mouth the past two weeks. Ready to go back to school and be a doctor now
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