if you force a hooker to have sex with you and dont pay her would it be rape or theft? something to ponder
Decided to write a book called "girls don't poop and other myths I wish I still believed in"
I just spread your mom's ashes with my new girlfriend. I wouldve waited for you to fly home but she was uncomfortable in the house with her remains there. I'll mail you the urn since u handpainted it.
YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND ALREADY!?! WTF WE JUST HAD HER FUNERAL 3 WEEKS AGO!!!!!!!!!!!!
just went to the store to buy a mop & tampons. i feel like i just gave in to all those women jokes.
this stripper weighs a pound. I feel like I should tip her in food.
is it too much to get a jumbo margarita in a sippy cup right now?
I'd bet your vomit would be flammable at this point. Can I try to light it?
We wouldn't be friends if you didn't.
we somehow managed to fit a llama, a stripper pole and a hayride all into the same day.
Just turned your apartment into a democracy and were voting on who takes shots next
The horniest man in the world doesn't want sex as bad as I want pizza right now.
World Cup Drinking Game: Take a shot every time they call a foul for something we don't understand. Gotta risk it to get the biscuit.
Screaming "dámelo" at the bottle of scotch was definitely my best and worst moment of Cinco de Mayo 2015.
I keep worrying the police are going to come looking for us.
For which one? Starting a fire on my porch or having sex on my porch?
The Lion King Is on YouTube
Until 2 minutes ago I actually had a chance to pass my midterms... thanks alot
Yeah come over whenever. Weed gets here at 8.
I'll be there at 7:59.
Randomize
