Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
went to sleep on the couch in jeans and socks. woke up in bed totally nude no memory of moving. best farewell party ever
Passing las posas road. In a world of pain. Im trying to piss in a bottle through the hole in my crotch. I wish i had a bigger dick.
Looks like I will be paying for the roofie I slipped myself in 9 months.
my goal in life is to wake up with my underwear on
dude i woke up to her making a statue of my morning wood for her sculpture class. HOW THE FUCK do you think i feel about her?
the only thing i remember last nigh is talking to some chick for thirty minutes about cheese.
You bit the bartender when he refused to poor rum in your purse and hand you a straw.
the story is to long to tell you via txt so when you notice the tattoo on your ass call me.
Happiness for him is a different happiness than you can supply cuz you have life standards, morals and goals that dont include the bar or beer everynight.
How do you feel?
Like the devil himself shit me out, baked me into a pie, ate the pie, and shit me out again.
He just unloaded a dump truck full of red flags on my head.
I feel like I may be the only person who can say they crutched their walk of shame. past the secret service.
Just did coke off my highschool yearbook. Not much has changed in 5 years.
Welcome aboard the S.S. struggle. I'll be your captain for today's voyage and Jeremy is your first mate. Just sit back and relax while we navigate the seas of drunken regret. Your forecast for the day is violently hungover with a chance of "shit, that really did happen!"
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