erin looks like she hung out with the sham wow guy last night. she's got the beat up hooker look goin' on
No more parties with babies... I can't do that again.
dude. i was so high. i watched shrek in russian.
She started to rub her ass on my shoulder and i instantly thought "i am going to get E. Coli"
These shoes are like walking on sunshine and labias. So soft and squishy
No, but I woke up here and my pockets are full of raisins. Like 6 different pockets.
my parents decided to start a new christmas tradition. we will now be drinking champagne while opening presents, and we each get our own bottle
This wedding is gonna be a disaster. I already had to turn down one of the groomsmen who offered me $100 to sleep with him next wknd.
Too low?
Yes.
I just want to get drunk and wake up on Wednesday
He said he cried as he watched porn yesterday; I'd say he's taking the break-up pretty bad....
Lol if he questions who I am I'm gonna send him a pic of his boxers
He called me Kitten either just because or he figured out my old s&m life. Either way huge turn on.
I knew you were cut off when you tried to order a "Phil Collins"
And then he served me a piece of a brownie on his dick. It tasted amazing. Such a good night!
I'M GOING TO DIE ALONE WITHOUT ANYONE PRETENDING TO BE A MARRIED COUPLE WHILE DRUNK AT A MALL WITH ME
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