so apparently i worked out for over an hour last night. drinking is the only way i will ever get anything done
Just wrote the directions to get to the girls house im hooking up with on the back of my marriage certificate. Officially worst husband ever.
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
2 rounds of irish car bombs have already been taken to your 5 year sober anniversary
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
Off topic, but is it sad that Matthew and I are calculating how much sex we need to have in order to work off a taco bell burrito?
If she says "This is how acid feels" one more time I'm never trip-sitting them again.
Either I'm deep cleaning my apartment out of severe academic procrastination or I'm subconsciously nesting and need to take a pregnancy test.
She who has the vag holds all the power. He will learn one way or the other.
Seeing the pictures of him and i, I'm giving whiskey the win on this one. Definitely had beer goggles.
"Friendship bread", "how to get period stains out of cement", and "elephant bereavement" are all in my recent google history. Whatever shit that was last night really did me in...
This Halloween will be different. I'm just here to get shitfaced, not troll around looking for slutty nun pussy.
Well, somebody (me) put on reindeer antlers, crawled around on the floor, and meowed at people... So yeah, I'd say it was "one of those nights"
She'll feel so accomplished if she finally gets to bang me.
I got high and had sex with reindeer antlers on. It was magical and animalistic. Tia the season.
Randomize
