I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
I just threw up while getting a haircut. I'm never trying to accomplish stuff with a hangover again.
Her bed looked like it had just hosted a water balloon fight. It was that good.
She kept screaming "best case scenario"
some people offered us free beer as long as we shotgunned it and after you shotgunned four without pausing they took their offer back
On an unrelated note, i found out who duct taped shoelaces to my face
First time on E and Chris took me to a petsmart during puppy day. I might die of pure awesomeness.
if you fuck our toilet off the wall again, i'm going to be so mad.
I am about to embark upon a south Boston wedding....
Hydrate.
I went out with a plan. I came home with a Brian. THIS WAS NOT PART OF THE PLAN.
he accidentally put it in my ass, i liked it but didn't tell him that and "accidentally" took his weed.
It's 7:30pm and we've already lost someone and had to run from the cops. What the fuck did you put in the punch?
I'm not over that dildo rifle story. I don't think I ever will be.
Listen all we did was not even pretend we aren’t each other’s type and live together and constantly encourage each other to get laid for 6 months.
Idk how it devolved into us fucking.
it's 1043 pm. still havent changed out of the shirt i wore last night so at this point i figure i'll go for twosies.
Randomize
