He just gave a drunken 7 minute speech on how to make the perfect grilled cheese. he explained types of butter and cheeses....i think i love him
What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
Want to get together for a boner voyage before you leave?
i still can't believe we survived that barcrawl. the third bar had bullet holes and we still went in.
ok is that genuinely the first four bars of mozart's symphony #40 sharpied onto my arm or
We just taught the Brazilian how to smoke out of a vuvuzela.
If there was a tv show called "True Life: My 58 Year Old Dad Rolls Better J's Than Me" I'd be on it.
Blacked-in to me, shirtless, giving myself finger guns in the mirror and rapping "stacks in the club stacks stacks in the club."
They're the one who can profit the most when given the opportunity for blackmail.
At least that's how I've always seen it whenever I've been the Designated Driver.
That simultaneously explains everything and makes me very very terrified of you.
You are not the cause of late onset lesbianism.
Money making scheme, blow job proof mascara. Waterproof is bullshit
Let go out that Thursday night!
Yess sounds good, I have to go turn myself in the next day because what happened last Friday.
conclusion: canadians have really freaky sex
IF THE SUNS NOT EVEN OUT THEN WHY IS HIS DICK OUT WTF
i'm bringing homemade birthday cake and homegrown weed. how awesome is this text?
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