i need a penis for penetration, you wont do.
oh yeah... my b.
She was not exactly lady-like. Down there.
he proceeded to punch 3 mailboxes in a row and when i asked him why, he said "because they were talking shit"... i need a new boyfriend. and a new life.
My main thought on the Olympics: I need LESS cowbell.
Went biking. Saw homeless guy beating in the park. Thought of you <3
he said i ruined lesbian porn for him
You were definitely doing something right. You could only see the colored parts of his eyes a couple of times. I was pretty sure he was dead at some point.
I managed to get through my meeting without throwing up in someone else's office, so there's that for an accomplishment today.
Are we on the same shift tomorrow and more importantly do you want your pants back?
Just used an eyelash curler to open my beer since I didn't have a bottle opener. Things are starting to look up.
One day soon I'll learn the difference between a good high and way too high. Today is not the day.
Is there one of me peeing? If so do I look bangable in it
Yeah, everything was going great until the mugging.
She was cleaning herself at the bus stop. She also picked up gum off the ground and ate it
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
Randomize