He can't get past my hymen. At least that's what he said it feels like.
do you know how hard it is to sit through a 3 hour movie with someone and not fuck them?
I'm surrounded by too many unhungover people.
Snuck into a camper in someone's yard. Hotboxing. Can't wait until they go in it.
deryk tried to steal your screen door and i think sam and brent are duct taping lauren to the diving board.
His dad asked what he was doing so he texted his FATHER a picture of me wearing his shirt in his bed.
Someone just told me I could double date with them and their dog as my date. This is why the suicide rates are so high at the holidays.
Do you ever feel like a plastic bag?!
Haha! You know I mean that in a positive way. Like, "let them eat cake!" Or in our case, "let them achieve obesity from the two entree plate at Panda Express!"
You threw your body across the gross couple hooking up on the couch and demanded they scratch your back. I love you drunk on peach schnapps
I told myself I'd stop after three shots of fireball. Haha HA hA.
Gay?
German.
Pity.
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
I don't even remember what dignity looks like anymore. I JUST WANTED TO ROAST SOME POTATOES
My roommate made maccoroni last nigh dropped the bowl off the counter knocking it into the dog bowl he picked up the dog bowl and started eating it claiming it was te worst Mac and cheese ever and if he wasnt so high he would stop eating it hahahaha
Randomize
