Cool, see you soon... she just admitted to her friends that it was a queef.
Ahhh... Adderall running out my nose in the shower really brings back memories.
Ben's a prick.
What Ben are you talking about?
All the bens across all the lands
woke up this morning with "hah" written on my penis.i was like wtf?? morning wood kicked in and found out what it really said, haNNah.then i remembered.
I realize now. I should have just made out with everyone and anyone when I had the chance.
After she threw up on my floor she started singing "this is why I'm hot."
if my spotter knew I was listening to the Wicked soundtrack on my iPod, I wouldn't even be mad if he dropped the barbell on my throat
My favorite part was walking in the bathroom, you fixing yourself in the mirror, calling your reflection a fag, then throwing a haymaker into the paper towel dispenser before going back out to the bar.
Just induced vomiting to put out a carpet fire.
Everyone is cheering
Next time we smoke don't let me talk. I just said something and it sounded like I was speaking in hashtag.
What I thought was my travel sanitizer was actually my travel lube. Most awkward transit ride of all time!
I mean, except for the part where I was vomiting up pineapple and hot sauce, it was a really fun time.
So yeah, turns out I enjoy vaguely public group sex. Who knew?
Weirdest drunk sex ever. His sweat dripped into my eyeball and then he looked down and asked me why I was crying. I went with it.
If I hear that song one more time I will drive to hell and make John Lennon eat my ass.
Randomize
