okay pat passed out under dana's car
i don't plan on having that self control this summer
Walk of shame... his parents made me go to church with them first. in my club top sweat pants and slippers. i just slapped god in the face
If i come home from court on friday.. i'm definitely doing something illegal.
i've been thru my totinos phase. then after reading the ingredients and nutritional info i almost puked in my mouth. its like having the bastard child of pizza hut and mcdonalds invade your kitchen and start stabbing your digestive system.
The police scanner is talking about you again....
an off duty cop drove behind me last night to make sure i didnt get a dui. i was blacked out drunk and on a pill of ecstacy. he knew this. i must be really pretty.
What was the name of the cook I had sex with at Famous Dave's?
Do you think the neighbors will know I was the one giving out the penis shaped lollipops to the children?
Just replaced the batteries in my vibrator without turning on the lights. I need to get laid.
I've friend zoned this boy hard. I made him change my nipple rings before he went home.
I just almost said to a customer "P as in Pussy"
I just realized now that you're pregnant we can't use alcohol as currency
Tbh you just need to fuck it out like I don't know another solution
Vodka for breakfast. With a side of Frankenberries. Don't judge me.
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