You were partners with her mom and you began calling her "the Robert Horry of beer pong" You also kept telling her that she was hotter than her daughter.
ejected that DVD during the department meeting.. it was our porn from last night. I have a new nick-name at work.
My entire life is one complicated drinking game
Measuring your booze intake in glasses is like measuring Rosie O'Donnell's weight in ounces.
they have a walk of shame score keeper on their fridge. I marked my tally for him on my way out..
Is it weird being in the house without any roommates?
Nah, just masturbating louder
just had an awkward elevator run in with that guy you puked on
ttyl tear gas
There is a contact in my phone named "Bar Mcntysu." this is why we need a third person to go out with us.
Your doorknob is in my back seat, in case you were looking for it.
How is it possible that I'm still a virgin and you've managed to have sex in a cheetah print onesie TWICE
It gave me the St Patrick's Day nickname Slutty McShitfaced. I've never felt so understood.
My apologies. I'll try not to let my dick interfere with official work duties in the future.
I just had sex on my divorce papers. I've never felt so poetic.
i just has to use a gift card to Target that one of my students parents got me to buy Plan B bc my bank account is -$0.08 so my 2017 is starting exactly how i pictured.
Randomize