3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
Your friends ate a hole through an entire loaf of bread
Everything was good until you pulled the bartenders hair because she cut you off
She came to college a virgin and left on court order. We ruined her.
The pride tent is doing free lube tastings. There is also a mechanical bull.
he knocked a glass of water onto my bed and then said that he should get to sleep on the dry side because he was "a guest"
Highlight of the week: I had sex with a B movie star wearing an eye patch.
She's on her way over to shave my year round sweater vest into a festive argyle sweater vest. Keeper?
Tim and I found you a 5ish and asked how you were doing with the breakup. All you said was "i can't words"
Are you really surprised she can't remember? That's like 50 people. I couldn't rattle off all 50 state capitols off the top of my head, you're bound to forget a few here and there
Vasectomy results are in. No swimmers in the water. REPEAT. No swimmers in the water. Come help me harness my new found super-power
EW HE LOOKS LIKE SOMEONE'S DAD
I'm going to ride your dick until it falls off. That horny.
I'm equal parts terrified and turned on. Come over.
No just a list of 20 of my favorite things
Where are penises on the list
Where am I on the list
Under penises
Randomize
