After 4 hours of foreplay he passed out and almost immediately peed in my bed. Naked. Like a fountain. Then tried to deny it in the morning by saying he just sweats a lot.
I don't know what happened last night but I woke up this morning with "wolf pack" tattooed on my knuckles.
I'm gonna answer everything she says with 'cum on da face' until she breaks up with me...great idea or greatest idea?
How is it possible that I am in a completely different city, and there are 2 dudes here that I've banged? How????
There are flashing lights and a man dressed as Santa with a bullhorn in my cul de sac.
I'm not sure if this is awesome or scary.
I GOOGLED IT. BEES CAN MASTURBATE. WHAT.
Mainly I just wanna pet bunnies. And purple chicks. Well any color chicks if I close my eyes. But purple if I open them.
There no better feeling of self control than stopping yourself before telling your girlfriend she gives head just like her sister.
It's like everything I need in life within a five block radius: booze, toilets, dogs, dicks.
You have a long distance relationship and I have a long distance snapchat sexting buddy. If that doesn't describe who we are as people then I don't know what does.
Apparently I called him, said "vodka" and then hung up on him.
In 18 months of being married we've had sex with 7 different couples. Who said you can't have your cake and eat it.
Just packed a snack to eat on the way to McDonald's. That stoned.
Our faces when the strip club was closed looked like the grinch just stole Christmas ☹️
as i was trying not to drunkingly fall off her toliet, i noticed her socks laying there. i quickly grabbed them, ran upstairs, and excitingly asked her if she had gotten them at sams club. she replied with, "...those are your socks."
Randomize
