As heartfelt as your proposal was- I will NOT marry for money- especially to someone who still owes me $700. You r officially pathetic!!
We named our party play list daddy issues
we were having sex in the bathroom when his aunt knocked on the door
and rather than go out and meet her, i climbed out the window. so now she thinks he was masturbating and moaning his own name in a really girly voice
There is something just so refreshing and wonderful about an uninterrupted morning poop in the office.
your youtube search consisted of "food slideshow" and "the angry beavers"
At what number of girls whose last names are stored in your phone book as drinking establishments does it become excessive?
i don't know what the guinness world record is for longest time eating nothing but skittles but i'm going on six days
he obviously didn't care that i was sleeping and dreaming about ellen degeneres knitting me a christmas sweater.
I feel awful
Physically or morally
Physically. The only immoral thing I did was steal money from strippers while they gave me lapdances.
Look. I've got things to do today.. Will you hurry up and come over so I can give you some head and get my day started already
Outside
Ps I'm glad our relationship hasn't progressed into having to get married so we legally can't testify against each other
Nothing ends a night of heavy drinking better than banging to three six mafia in your own driveway
Did you really get up in the middle of a tattoo to go get Taco Bell?
I'm coming right back.
For the first time in my life, I may be the most normal person in the room.
Update: I am definitely the most normal person in this room. And the least tattooed.
He made me ask permission to to cum and it made me cum.
Randomize
