Do you remember last night at all? Be honest
I need to look at the pictures on my camera to fill in the gaps.
Five Mah tais Laser and i skill have not drunk dial you
You owe me a new pair of headphones. You plugged mine into the top of a mustard bottle.
that's like... drinking popov and saying its the worlds best vodka. you gotta try some others first. THERE SHOULD BE A MISS AMERICA PAGEANT. but like, mr penis. and they can do tricks and make unintelligent remarks and wear sparkly condoms.
Just found a pic on my phone of you on squatting on the hood of a police car about to take a dump. Care to explain what happened last night?
Just realized I probably only have one more wedding where I can say I fucked the bride.
I feel like im becoming the girl who only drunk texts him. I would be in the dog house, if situations like this had dog houses.
I am honestly trying to remember his name. All I can remember is that he had a weird mole, a daughter and a lot of cocaine. Please stop letting me pick up at gay night.
I'm not breaking up with him because his husky is having puppies.
I chose not to drink last night but drinking chose me
I need a sign that says “please don’t make plans with me if I’ve had two or more drinks. I will regret them. I will have bitter feelings towards you. Then I will cancel and feel guilty.”
Just trying to show you I care.
Isn't it supposed to be "what would you like for dinner?" instead of "how do you take your blow?"
Hey, you're the one who asked me to mc to move in.
He's the one named Andrew. In his profile picture he is the one on the right in the monkey costume.
just because he was passed out beside the toilet, didn't give you tge right to pee on him
my aim is off when im drunk
She fucked a bartender in a closed Applebee’s and has the nerve to call me easy
Randomize
