He keeps looking? I tried to shag. I invited him to this table but he went to ze other one! If he shaves his 'tache I would totally hit it.
Don't worry, there is no such thing as a fat, old or ugly blow job.
And i generally try not to roofie people when I'm in a committed relationship.
I wish I could tell you that the worst thing that happened last night was how he got thrown out of a stripclub for vomitting on the girl giving him a private lapdance. I wish I could tell you that and not be lying.
my dad just referred to me and my boobs as 'the three of you'
He's so gross, but the preschooler inside me is screaming that this is her life dream and I have to be with him or she'll never forgive me.
I really shouldn't have to apologize. It was your own damn fault for opening a tab at the bar and telling me about it.
I know I am usually the slut but tonight it's her. She is being a slut, yes slut, T as in Tomorrow, U as in Uterus, L as in Llama and S as in Sangria. That spells slut, but backwards and that's what she is being.
these marshmallows taste like mayonnaise. like playing tetris on a gameboy, that's what these marshmallows mean.
i swear, as soon as they invent a cure for herpes, he's mine.
marshmallow pipe was a success. so was melon pipe. come try it
Also I'd like you to set a calendar reminder that goes off every day for you to take 2 minutes to think about what your life would be like without me.
No im just getting a road beer. You got my pants?
This is a great bar, except you can't even randomly burst into song without them assuming you're drunk and cutting you off.
It's not an office Christmas party until your boss confesses his undying love for your boyfriend...
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