I found a girl on our couch wearing lederhosen this mornig... I dont know if i should be impressed or ashamed
im giving 12 year olds life advice. this is probably illegal somewhere.
I don't know why I've never thought to take my bong into the bathtub before.
I was trying not to text you this weekend, so I deleted your number when I was sober. Then auto restore at midnight. It was like drunk magic
Okay, lets just agree to keep all cutlery related activities to a minimum.
Just woke up to the best idea ever. Vodka infused BUTTER. Take a second, and think of the possibilities.
Apparently getting dressed is an all-day activity.
It's a hurricane, not a zombie apocalypse. WHY DID YOU BUY SHOTGUNS?!?!
I only see on penis in this picture but I assume there is another lurking out of sight.
I threw up in the darkest corner of the bar last night, then watched 2 girls freak out in disgust after walking through it. I then realised I puked on the dancefloor, took a picture and proceeded to send it to my mom.
I'm making a date with someone on Playstation Home. That's how my sex life is going right now.
then looked at this little girl next to me and was like "don't drink when you get older and don't let your best friend be with assholes." she looked at me like i was crazy
Please tell me that all of the things I remember doing last night didn't really happen. Please.
I'm not sure why he thinks weird that I masturbate AND look at pinterest at the same time.
I woke up with a captain's hat on my desk.
Randomize
