yea i guess its safe to say fire extinguishers are not synonymous with whip cream cans
i seriously have like 9 pictures of people taking shots out of a vag on my camera....
i'm just sitting here watching hocus pocus, eating takeout, and taking self esteem quizzes online while everyone is out partying. you tell me how my night is.
I'm sorry and I love you. One day we're going to live in a whore mansion with our babies and make boys cry.
They called it unicorn pee, and i thought that was interesting so i drank it. Please don't let me drink strangers booze again.
Would you like season tickets to my vagina?
I'm trying to poop and took acid, this is going to end horrid or wonderful. Oh the amusement park, not the pooping.
Id prob hit it, but i instagram edited her picture to make her look better. Ha. She should fuck me just for that.
There is a drunken, assless white chick here at this bar wearing a shirt that says "REAL WOMEN TWERK FOR JESUS". I have officially had it with our generation.
I'm sure nobody at Walmart was wondering why I was wearing a glittery tutu and needed $300 changed into small bills
You had sex with a guy who has a purple beard last night. No Molly for a while, ok?
where are my pants?
in the oven.
within five minutes of being here her dog found my vibrator in my bedroom and was carrying it around all proud! and her mom is here. so embarrassing :(
I just got baptized.
Drunkenly skinny dipping in a indoor hotel pool is not okay and does not count as a baptism.
Sex was followed by homemade breadsticks. I waited till after the breadsticks were gone to tell her i had a gf.
Randomize
