You made me cry and you don't even care
the guy working at the drive-thru just asked me if i wanna bang after he gets off work tonight.
given your current drought situation, im genuinely curious to know what your answer was
i told him maybe and gave him my number. sad? probably. but even if the sex is bad maybe i'll get a free burger out of it
I just saw a midget ride by on a scooter...wearing a bowtie and a helmet. My life is complete.
He just knocked over the beer pong table... I haven't seen so much fail in one room since I watched "Mall Cop" with my grandma
Don't make me choose between a good grade and anal
Just did a kegstand with my dad. Happy fathers day.
those 9 inches of man changed my life forever.
were drug buddies, doing lines off her ass is just a bonus
Ya I know. She's self aware though, like the terminator. Which is the best kind of crazy
They need to leave so I can start drinking shamefully.
Really because I got kicked out the eagles game for running up n down the steps singing ' fly eagles fly ' then punched a Dallas fan in the face before the game even started..
Explain the King Dong next to my face.
The waitress at the airport bar just asked me if I wanted a "to go" beer, hahahahaha OF COURSE I WANT A TO GO BEER.
Well sure, my hetero side is thrilled, but my gay side is soooo judging
It's a shame I've been hooking up with him for 6 months and he still doesn't know my real name.
Randomize
