if i were to get pulled over right now, the only thing i would be guilty of is listening to 90's Mariah Carey
Im so hungover
Come over i have rolls
Ecstasy rolls or Challah rolls?
hows the new call of duty?
I only had sex with the game case so far, but that part was awesome.
My mom is getting really tired of hearing the excuse 'it's 5 oclock somewhere'
Well, think of it this way, if this were 200 years ago your father would have received the most goats in all the village for your fertile loins. Think about that.
when he was about to finish he told me to avert my eyes and keep my lady parts away. chivalry isnt dead.
All three women i have fucked in the past week are here in the same bar. Gameface, go.
Gonna go for any of them?
Thursday night girl, but friday is watching and tuesday is serving us.
I told him he wasn't aloud to one word text me. Unless that one word was threesome
The dorm having an ice machine is their way of inviting us to make mixed drinks.
I went in the closet and cried, then the bathroom and cried, and lastly he showed me his penis and I cried. It was a weird night.
She just spat tequila at me... Like a fountain... A broken fountain
I feel like I should treat myself every time I find out I'm not pregnant. Is there a pie company that delivers??
I just got a text from a guy. The python is ours if we want.
Yes, you can glue plastic eyes to my dick and take pictures while I'm asleep. If you tell anyone I said you could do that Ima fight you.
You don't get to call me bro after you've had your dick in me.
Randomize
