Just saw a policeman use his lights to go through a red light only to turn them off and go to Sonic...
If I had a nickel for every time somebody called me a bad person I would have enough money to check into rehab
After I told my husband the docter shot me in the ass, he said - oh they can but I can't?!
Working on an important paper into the wee hours of the morning, and every time I type the word "situation," I can't help but think of effing Jersey Shore. Those guidos are now ruining my academic life.
Well you broke that rule when you put it in your mouth.
A letter to the campus apologizing for being sucha cunt with a picture of her head on it. All posted around campus.
I am not saying a eulogy for your vibrator.
So I'm at the VFW tonight and the shot special here is straight 151 for 2 dollars. They must hate our livers
Will give head in exchange for a Netflix password. Serious inquiries only please.
Never ever make a tattoo bet. I now have a shamrock on my dick.
You know Sunday Funday was a success when 'puke and rally' came at lunchtime on Monday.
Shriek
We figured you were on something when you said that your nipples couldn't hear the music.
I'm ready to run through the streets naked yelling "HES ALIVE!"
Wanna get drunk and play candy land? If so you are 2 steps behind.
He’s definitely circumcised. There’s not enough room in those speedos for a foreskin with that fire hose he’s packing.
Randomize
