He belongs with you like a mcdonalds playground belongs in Chernobyl
Lets get really high and only speak Spanish to each other again tonight
Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
there were like 150 questions AFTER the application. you'd think for a store that has dick molding kits it'd be a joke
Using a Nedi Pot after doing lines... at least I'm a health conscious drug user?
we had a ceremony where you passed your fake id onto me in the middle of the bar. i was on my knees and you presented it to me. i don't think the bartenders were suspicious though
Sometimes I wish I could open my skin and just take a little peek at my liver. You know, just to see if it's rotten yet or still perfect looking.
I usually just read books and meditate to an aquatic soundtrack of sea walrus's mating. But ill choose coors light instead
Your vagina doesn't want to be violated with garnishes. I get it.
He sat next to me, put his arm around me, yelled at his girlfriend that he was breaking up with her, and told me I'm his little pet for the night.
I think you just described to us the most perfect drunken fairy tale that has somehow never been written
YOU CAN'T JUST ADD EVERYONE WHO ENTERS MY VAGINA ON FACEBOOK WTF
COVER ME IN BACON THATS MY FETISH
ACTUALLY ITS NOT, I HAVE NO FUCKING IDEA WHAT AWAKENS THE MONSTER BELOW THE BELT
It's such a sad loss when a hot guy finds Jesus and grows a neckbeard
hey, just so we're clear, next time we go swimming drunk at my house, we have to use the floating chairs instead of my mattress. i'm not sure how to get it out of the pool.
Randomize
