Thats not how I planned it, its just the way she passed out
Words i added to my t9 today: gnomes, facebook, and chlamydia.
It's finally official that I am from Oklahoma. I'm currently sleeping with my ex-fling's brother.
The only thing that makes me want to stop the affair is that I am the Monica Lewinksy in this triangle.
I SWALLOWED her nuva ring. Please tell me how your night could have been worse.
2nd semester senior, always drunk. at this point if i don't get a good parking spot, i turn around and drive home
Sorry about the voicemail last night, people in hostel thought getting the clap from cheating on me wasn't enough and you hearing a 6 foot 5 Swedish dude bang the shit out of me was needed.
u r missing out we r watching a tranny direct traffic in a gstring
Before I left he insisted on serenading me with a ukalele. I might be a little bit in love
Recycling day makes me feel more like an alcoholic than regular days.
Her alarm in the morning was Best Day Ever from Spongebob. I'm have lots of conflicting feelings right now...
To be fair I went my whole first week without showing up to work drunk!
What happened last night? I'm too scared to get out of bed and see the destruction.
First of all, check to see if that naked guy is still alive. He didn't look to be breathing when I left
Like he was cock blocking and it usually takes ten cocks to block this cock
I was watchin a porno and I sware I saw that dude at the bar at applebees the other night
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