i feel like i'm waiting in line to date brett michaels
cruising supermarkets, asking random people where i can get weed. fuck alaska
It would be been irresponsible not to make cleaning the apartment into a drinking game
I am particularly sorry about getting dome in your backseat. And for thinking you wouldn't notice.
Some guy dressed like Santa just handed me a bottle of tequila. I NEVER WANT TO LEAVE CANCUN
I dont think that yelling at the medic "Christmas is gone, fuck off santa" was the best idea when you couldnt feel your legs.
I'm at some strange place in what feels like Mexico, high and getting tacos.
You were chugging tap water out of a running blender screaming "bubbles is Perrier mother fucker"
i repeatedly had to ask him if he was into this because he kept talking about random things while i jerked him off. i got annoyed and in order to annoy him back, i told him i wanted to watch him do it. he also talked about basketball WHILE cumming. NEVER AGAIN.
This is stupid. I am not getting knocked up from fucking in his backseat behind a starbucks. I refuse.
You know you had a good time when you get the wheelchair treatment in Mexico back to your cruise.
I've entered the world of uncircumcised penises. It's disgusting.
Drunk sperm are not productive sperm.
I'm literally naked with a whole pizza in my lap sitting in my chair.
After returning from the hospital with lock-jaw from getting tackle at the game. Some naked chick busted out of his room and hit him with a devastating haymaker to the jaw because he wouldn't have sex
Randomize
