My mom was talking about how protein is essential to strong bones and then I told her, I'll give you protein.
How unfortunate for your Mom.
I assume you are not resopnding because you are having sex thus i give you a text message high five
They made my facebook status "I got my period!!!." Every guy I've had sex with at college liked it.
I get way too drunk to be trusted with family heirlooms
you were wandering around the street for like an hour singing "nothing but socks on"..an original you wrote after the 12th shot i believe
i just traded 2 rolls of toilet paper for half a water bottle of vodka. i love college
i just thought that perhaps i was done with the "boning on someone else's futon" stage of my life. guess not.
if you spike my cofee one more time im gona fuck you up. im presenting to the mayor in sevven fucking minuets. fuck you and youir fucking bartending classses i am so fuckign fcked
I JUST FOUND AN INTERNATIONAL POLE DANCING CHAMPIONSHIP IN SPANISH
holy shit i just had sex in a phone booth i so feel young again
You were face down in the punch bowl, humming the theme to jaws
That explains the stains on my shirt
Molly I still can't believe u puked in that guys hands and still got laid
Let this be a lesson to you, parmesan cheese crumbles are not a good substitute for coffee creamer, no matter how high you are
apparently in the middle of sex, i said "i just really love the food network i watch it every day"
one nice thing about being home: no walks of shame, just drives of shame
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