ugh, i have officially sinned in all of my cute clothes. i can't even wear any of them without feeling regret.
Sorry I couldn't answer your call, I'm expecting a call from Chris Hansen.
I'm guessing you didn't end up going to the bar last night.
Nope. Ended up at what I believe was a slumber party down the street.
Pretty sure my dad just walked in on me jerking off watching guys on webcam. Remember how I used to say "most awkward day of my life?" I'm retiring that phrase.
Just got a script for 120 vicodin with 6 refills. I feel like michael jackson.
I could make treat bags
dude if Megan calls say you Sis was house sitting for me yesterday , she f'n found dana's panties
Is it sad that when she told me he has a small peen I felt like it made us more compatible?
after i talked him through a bulleted list of why we couldn't have sex he just said "but it would be fun...."
It is too early in this hangover to be seeing some guys ass crack.
You were telling the cab driver that you believe in him and just to follow his dreams
Found my other fake eyelash. In a condom wrapper...
last night you told me I had a dark, salty butthole
If there's anything else you're planning on stealing from me, please let me know so I can set it on fire
i want george washington to fuck me as hard as he can holy shit
Want ramen today?
I need a salad
SALAD DOESNT WARM YOUR HEART AND BELLY
You offered him a “Sorry I Blew Your Brother” Blowjob. How does that make it right?
I promised him it would be better than the one I gave his brother which is really nice of me since their actually only half brothers and his brother is cuter
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