My liver just broke up with me...
She definitely looked like a troll, but I had take one for the team. Or at least thats what I keep telling myself
Is it wrong that I want to take the baby bump in her facebook pictures as "meal-ticket"?
Legitimate logistical question....how did you pee in your duct tape dress?
its sad im about to start saving up for how drunk i need to be for the holidays
He stole a bottle of grenadine from the bar. And got arrested. His new cell mate is going to love his bright red lips.
Also I've decided that I'm buying the next friend of mine who is dumb enough to get married a live porcupine as a wedding present.
Then you better bring Starbucks and a box of condoms in the morning.
Oh shit. This is getting real.
You were naked too, so it cancels out. We're straight.
So the TSA can feel me inside and out in front of 40 people, but they catch me fucking in the bathroom 20 feet away and all of a sudden their the decency police
I'm going to get high and eat ice cream until the pain goes away. You're welcome to join.
ELLEHCIM
NYRMAK
DRAHCIR
WHAT??
2016 is coming through for me, I'm renaming it the year of great dick
This is why you arnt allowed in pet stores
Left my wallet at the store. Wouldn't have noticed if the joint I just rolled wasn't in it.
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