it was all good till he told me to dance slow and quiet
dude, that girl smelled worse than the great depression.
She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
I'm so high that a hulu ad convinced me to go on healthybaby.com
Did we both pass out talking about cake last night?
This is getting ridiculous. See/touch her boobs=good day. Not see/not touch her boobs=bad day. I am legitimately depressed over the lack of tits in my hands right now.
you're acting like its my fault you're allergic to sperm or something.
i told you we never speak of that again
He did the "not my house dance." Apparently it involves spreading cereal on the floor and then grinding into the carpet in bare feet while singing "not my house" over and over and dancing.
Sometimes I look at the people in school that are obviously very diligent and on top of their studies, and then I wonder why they don't smoke weed.
It's stupid hot. I just want to be laying in a bathtub full of margaritas
ahhhh just came to creep and you're not there AND your thong you were wearing last night is on the floor..someone has some explaining to do
Here is a brilliant idea passed on from men who have that same regret. WEAR A FUCKING CONDOM ALWAYS.
sidebar: i fucked your brother last night
My doctor said I can only have one drink at a time, ever, from now on. My life has officially started its decline.
drunk me cartwheeled over a turtle sandbox & slit my foot open on a cinder block. how do you explain that to a doctor?
Randomize
