This house was built for laser tag.
I have "you made mistakes last night" written alllll over me.
It's Monday. What a great day to start the weekend on the week of st. Patricks day
he just wrote my ten page research paper for tit pics. i love my boobs.
you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
If I ever die and svu has to come to my murder scene make sure they know I don't wear underwear always so it might not be as bad as they think
He just stared me dead in the eye as he continued to beat off. Then said "you were going to catch me sooner or later".
Well he fell three stories from the balcony and still had the strength to fuck me for 2 hours.
You're telling me he never had to ask for a blow job and he STILL broke up with you? I call bullshit on that one.
So after my hot dog popped out of the bun and fell to the ground I tried to pick it back up and eat it. He had to kick it away from me to stop me from trying to pick it back up and eat it. I like him.
I mean I know I'll get over it by like tonight but ew ew eww. I cannot. Dude I don't even know his name also I threw up on his penis
She said she was sober from drugs for a week. All I heard was Kenny Loggins singing Danger Zone.
The cat is stealing cigarettes and my vagina cures blindness. How's your night?
THERE HAS BEEN GRANDTHEFT IN THE HOUSE. SOMEONE STOLE THE BABYWIPES AND YOU NEED TO BUY MORE BEFORE WE LET YOU IN. oh and you have to take two shots before we'll let you in. with no chaser.
Why yes, I DID want cramps for Christmas, how did you know God?
Randomize
