I dk what to do with this kid he is like legitimately interested in my life.
We did naked snow angels in 14 degree weather, you can't tell me you had more liquor at that party
The bartender just told me he would have me face down in his pillow by the end of the night. I hate when you make me go to gay clubs.
Seriously, in what other class can the final major discussion be what bar you're going to with your prof?
But don't worry I didn't actually get stitches, although according to the health center I probably should have
Where would I incorporate "your boyfriend fucked the shit out of me last night" before or after Merry Christmas bitch?
I danced with this guy last night, I left like I was humped by a blind baby kangaroo trying to body-box.
THIS IS A TERRIBLE REWARD FOR NOT GETTING PREGNANT.
Would you still love me if my nipple fell off?
It's rum buckets o'clock
we talked about the guy being eaten by the anaconda.. Then I proceeded to blow him
LETS THROW SHIT OFF THE PORCH
But can mardi gras accurately capture the essence of my tiny rage?
Dude did you see that video of yourself crying while bathing in vodka on YouTube?
we've talked on the toilet we're linked now
Randomize
