I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
Someone just uploaded pictures on facebook of you making out with random girls. I'm telling you because I'm assuming you don't remember anything, but the 236 pictures in the album should give you a good clue.
dream priorities were more important than voting today. don't tell me you wouldn't keep going back to sleep to find out who would win a fight between oprah and godzilla
Pre warning. Your not gonna sleep tonight cuz I'm staying with your roommate. Thanks for breaking up with me.
No, my body just knows its the weekend and wants to rage. Very different from alcoholism
How many times can I tell him that I wasn't expecting sex before he finally figures out that I'm just too lazy to shave?
The dorm having an ice machine is their way of inviting us to make mixed drinks.
Thats like me asking what you think of antisocial polish guys with mysterious rashes
First of all you're supposed to say "you're not fat". And second of all never ever deprive me of nachos.
what compelled you to fill her bra with pudding and freeze it in the first place?
i might remember if i didn't get knocked out with it later that day.
A nap. You broke your hand napping in Vegas.
The sorting hat of life was not kind to you.....
I swear I have some evil slut demon in me when I'm blacked out
Don't we all.
I don't want to just hook up with random dudes. I've had enough bad sex to know that it's not worth hooking up with strangers
It's not?
I woke up an hour ago with orange fingers and a condom stuck to my head.. Wtf just happened?
Randomize
