I take no responsibility of who alcohol hooks up with using my body!
Now that the olympics are over we have no excuse for getting belligerently drunk for nationalism every night.
i just realized i dont have a sober facebook picture since 2007
So it turns out rose was the bear hunting girl. Fuck my life
None of those words made sense together.
If you value my life, if you value your own, please look for that godforsaken cookie. Please.
Within 24 hours, I went to a feminist documentary screening with two state reps and you hate fucked a rent-a-cop on the helipad of your hospital. Somewhere our lives went in different directions.
I still make more money.
In order to see him, he made me facetime with his penis, which he had drawn a smile face on. Getting laid shouldn't be this difficult.
I'm sitting on my couch eating a bag of marshmallows and watching someone run bare ass down the street. What has happened to my life?
I wish university was like frosh week all the time and then they just give you a degree for surviving
I found a door knob in my purse this morning, I hope whoever it belonged to doesn't need it today.
hahahah
this hospital has no fireball
On the flip side Weston asked if he could move me to Wisconsin to be his "moto hoe" which is actually a thing apparently
That broad from the bar put her name in my phone as "The girl I'm going to marry in 10 years".
I think he knows I took a picture of him. Why I don't get punched in the face more often is anyone's guess.
I had to switch to male Siri because I could feel female Siri voice judging me for reading my sexts out loud. Also, the dude voice keeps me in the mood.
Randomize
