He wouldn't know what to do with his penis even if they made a "how to get a blowjob for dummies" guide
She was asian and in a relationship... my two weaknesses
don't tell me I don't love her. i once slept with my girlfriends therapist, just to find out if she was cheating on me.
Just got my period. This just makes my beach escapade totally even that much more ok.
guy just got out of the car at the drive in and told his girlfriend "fuck you and your taco" and walked off
I wanna give a stern lecture to whoever invented pants cause they are hard right now
Everyone is speaking Spanish and this 300 hundred pound chick is talking about the time she got out of prison... Fuck this place
We hit a deer while we were singing an acapella version of "I will always love you"
I got a 5 dollar bill, 1 condom, and no alcohol. I get payed on Thursday. Let's do this shit.
My mom just drunk texted me complaining about her genitals smelling like Taco Bell. I really am her son
He's standing in the corner rubbing his nipples and reflecting on poor life choices
Just spent the morning washing Bailey's and Guiness out of my clothes -_-
I gave his daughter swim lessons and in exchange he sold me an ounce. I feel so accomplished.
I feel like dick that good should always be within a five kilometre radius of me.
I may have just masturbated while on hold with the IRS. don't judge me
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