i find it depressing how it takes me longer to find a good video compared to the actual jacking off process.
make sure i look cute passed out on the couch.
We got drunk before dinner. People at the other tables were praying for us.
You know its bad when you can over hear the planned parenthood nurses talking shit behind your back... they've seen everything
can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?
idk, I had a turtle in mine.
i don't even remember going to get food. i think i got gas too.
If I had a quarter for every time I had sex in your bed while you were out of town, I would probably be a lot more willing to buy you new sheets. Hope you're having a nice vacation.
Every single time I start thinking that we shouldn't have done that to him, I think of his ballsack in our passed out faces. No sympathy.
I'm tangled in a fishing net down at the harbor. This has nothing to do with Captain Morgan. Bring wirecutters.
She just mixed her Emergen-C with champagne... Vegas here we come!
I'm busy watching infomercials. I'd say I'll join you later, but I'm doing a shot every time they demonstrate how difficult life is WITHOUT this product. So I doubt I'll be able to walk in another... Maybe 40 minutes.
But feel free to join! A new infomercial starts in 12 minutes.
Grass is always greener, Allison, grass is always greener
The grass is drunker and I'm lying down on it
Not sure what time I'll be home. I'm currently topless and the damn stripper won't give me my clothes back
i think we sleep fucked last night...
I've realized that my life is a cycle of high that is only broken by sobering up at work, which only happens because I can't smoke more
Randomize
