Think about all of the events that have led to this: me sitting in the back of my classroom drinking beer out of a taco bell cup, telling the teacher I have to leave early to go to an AA meeting.
we sang "a whole new world" together. either he's my gay best friend or the love of my life.
Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
Fun fact: female penguins have sex in exchange for pebbles to build nests. I now know what im being for halloween
I was carrying him baywatch style into my place because he passed out.
I promised him we could have sex if he would let me take him to the hospital to get stitches.
if the furniture in my bedroom wasn't shape shifting... this would be a different story.
I hate being the only medical professional in the group. I always end up patching you guys or being the DD when I'm on call. I have problems I need to drown in booze too...
Is it weird to wish your favorite hooker "happy thanksgiving"?
At this point in job hunting, I'm willing to become a leather daddy if it means some sort of income.
She didn't get a tit job, she's just wearing the right size bra for once
I just wiped cum off my face with baby wipes... #momlife
Also this morning I remembered seeing the stripper he threw up on later in the night. She was clothed though.
I love millennial parents. One of the moms at the daycare center literally told me she and her husband named two of her kids after batman characters and one after game of thrones
I have a dinner date combo blowjob event with Tristan tonight.
Randomize
