I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me.
How was it?
Fantastic, but that's not the point.
my brother wants to know why there are wet balloons in his bed and i think you forgot to throw the condoms away but im too hungover to check if thats what hes talking about
Just watched a drug bust from the Ralphs parking lot while listening to Frank Sinatra. Happy Valentine's Day.
koolaid chicken. i marinated it for 2 hours and roasted it on a rock in a fire. it was bright blue and raw. but that shit was tasty
At my wifes high school reunion. Found out her nickname was 'Back Door Brooke'. EVERYONE is calling her that.
we went to the bar with our boss and you tried to play a song from the atm machine
Watching her eat just hurts me
it would be so handy to have a fax machine attached to my body
I wish I could understand how you function in society
He was like Sweeney Todd... But, without the killing people part.
So... He's a barber?
No. He's got crazy hair, and a revenge fetish. But he's hot. Does that make up for it?
I owe you cheese. The drunk munchies don't acknowledge food ownership.
Suspicion confirmed. my mom has her nipples pierced
Way to crack the case Nancy Drew
Nothing says "I Love you" like my dick in a pizza box
Please note that in response to your post about your dog's jaws clamped hard around a stick, I did not comment, "Takes after his dad." You're welcome.
Is it too forward if I ask him to bring a condom when he comes over to work on our project?
scotch tastings during the week is a baaad idea. i woke up w no pants but wearing my winter coat
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