take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
Yeah but if I do that, I'd have to buy my own stomach pump for the house. That doesn't seem like a great thing to have sitting on the coffee table.
Im am drinking whisky alone in my parents basement. I think I just watched the point of no return stroll by.
all the sharp corners in my house are covered with litter foam blocks. al set for partying
repeat this after me. period at the beach is better than baby at the beach. breathe. and: period at the beach is better than baby at the beach.
You called yourself Captain Aspirin and then tried to cure my headache by shoving pills up my nose. Fuck you becoming a nurse, you can't take care of me while you're drunk ever again. Ever.
I sold him an eighth while trippin balls wearin my girlfriends tutu and tube top. and i was talking about albinos the entire time
well, he defiantly picked the right guy to buy drugs from
Oh Jesus. Are you going to the hospital?
No I'm showering then leaving for Vegas
"She's seriously grinding on him while whispering into his ear, 'take me to McDonald's.'"
That sounds worse than that time you thought out an entire story of how big bird would kill you
She told me she was the Publishers Clearing House of Dicks. Two dicks a day, everyday for life.
I need to sleep so I can die properly tomorrow.
falling asleep on a hardwood floor changes a person
I'm surronded by jorts. You're probably too drunk to care. I'm gonna cry now. Love you.
You are currently doing Harry Potter spells with the turkey-baster...
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